You and your 18yr old BFF probably didn’t understand fully what your five senses were signing up for at the gym. I understand that. I also understand that your 10 minute escapade on the elliptical isn’t going to do the same to you, as my at full incline hour does to me on the treadmill. I earned every bit of that ass sweat that you two were so nice enough to point out to each other as I wiped down my machine. This is only the first time I’ve seen you there, and maybe I won’t again, because all you two did was ten minutes on the elliptical before your giggling exit.

Next time if god is on my side, and you’re there first, I will be jumping on the treadmill DIRECTLY in front of you. You think ass sweat is gross to look at for two seconds? Well try being forced to look at it as it accelerates during your whole ten minutes. I can’t imagine how you two juvenile little girls have treated others besides me. But if I get a chance, I will place myself right in front of both of you.

So, until my thighs don’t touch anymore, and the ‘they don’t touch’ ventilation sets in, you are my mission of misery.