OK, new neighbor, here's the deal: you and your drunk buddies celebrated your arrival to the neighborhood with some highly illegal fireworks. Freaked the fuck out of my dog. While walking him the next day, I introduced myself and asked about the celebratory pyrotechnics. I was hoping that the presence of my friendly brown-eyed hound would be enough to convince you to cut back a bit. Alas, no. Every. Fucking. Night. For. A. Week.

So, here's my warning: keep it up and I ain't curbing my dog from your front lawn. I walk my dog real early, while you're still sleeping it off, so we are guaranteed a clean getaway.

I suppose I should call the police, but this will be more satisfying. Welcome to the neighborhood!