You must totally think you are winning.

You come up behind someone rummaging mindfully among the bagel bins at a fucking health food co op, and surreptitiously swipe a man's sun shading spectacles on a sunny day? You have serious social problems, kid. Your actions create exactly the type of world you deserve to live in, one that wants to beat your ass for stealing its sunglasses.

I hope you look so fucking good in those shades that your girlfriend breaks up with you because some other girl was checking you and your sunglasses out.

I hope you look so fucking good someone more unscrupulous than you takes you for the mark you took me for and robs you of your damn sunglasses.

I hope you look so good that you get hit by a bus while checking yourself out in a storefront window across the street.

Yeah, it's alberta, son. I'm sure I'll see you around.

Call me karma, bitch.