You are trying to fuck me, it's not gonna happen.


Because your s/o would be totally cool with you titfucking another girl, but actual intercourse would be the last straw.
Yeah, I'm also confused about the intercourse/tittyfuck distinction.
I'm confused/not confused about the eating part.
"I know this is your favorite column ..."

Now we know it's a fake. No one who reads this column ever gets laid.
There's a lot of confusion here for sure.
I applaud your waiting until Columbus Day as a show of respect. You're a great American!
Also, Dude, "titty-fuck" is not the preferred nomenclature; "tit-fuck", please.
Will someone just unlock the fucking relationship for this poor dude? lmao
This is the key to the puzzle:

"I'd rather just keep,eating you out once a month anyway."

No, not the misplaced comma, but the once a month part...

You sick fucking vampire titty fucker.
Grown men that use the word titty are pedos in disguise.
This is almost close as to be erotica literature pulp.
"Don't call me at home! Just let me come over and fuck you once a month! I'll even eat you out!"

Guess chivalry ain't dead.
If you're trying to fuck him, it ain't gonna happen until you quit beating around the bush and lube up that giant strap on you have.

He heard all about it from his girl but he just doesn't know how to bring it up.
"You are trying to fuck me, it's not gonna happen."
"When it is time, however, we shall fuck like pouring silk......"

You are a fucked in the head, confused man, who's vanity makes you a dbag!

In my own world, i had 8 months of pure silence and i blew it because i forgot to delete a very forgettable number. But on the bright side i now have a matching tattoo explaining luck is on my side, to remind me to stay away from dudes like you. Have fun potentially shattering two peoples hearts, for Fantastic though... You're every women's dream!