To the manipulators, the playboys, the liars, the fucking bullshit sensitive comics-loving letter writers, the stoners, the chasers, the orgasm withholders, the penthouse dwellers, the good friends & teasers & smooth talkers, the intellects & quick wits & the OKCupid pansies, the bearded tattooed easy going Sassy's-visiting Whole-Foods-working hipster Portland cliches, to all of you:

Fucking grow a pair. Sack the fuck up. Act your age, be a man, cut the bullshit, & get it together already.