Brave Older Lady on I-84


Okay, so here's why you and the "brave older lady" are the buttholes in this situation:

When all lanes are filled, traffic is lessened for *everyone.* Not just you and the people in front of you. The "brave lady" fucked over everyone behind her and you, and that doesn't sound like equity to me.

The "Zipper merge": Learn it! Know it! Live it!
Go "zipper merge" your testicles, Steve.
Another friend just pointed this out. Hypothetically, you probably are correct. However, in this real-life scenario, our lane of people who were there first hadn't moved a single car's length for nearly 20 minutes until the left lane was forced to move at the same speed. Sometimes, observation and reaction produces better results (and more fair results) than running strictly on traffic modeling. To be fair, it may be true that a.) the DOT sign was so far ahead of the accident that it was part of the problem. Since most people got over when they saw the sign, it caused a HUGE backup in that lane and b.) the model doesn't necessarily take in to account other things going on in traffic, including a SECOND accident, also in the left-hand lane, and another lane of traffic merging in from the right.

She did the right thing for the situation.
I'm pretty sure I don't see how someone stopping an entire lane of traffic behind them solved anything for anyone except for the people in front. There are other people and their timetables to consider as well, so when in doubt: USE THE MODEL. It's called "Zipper Merging" AND IT WORKS.


(This message brought to you by the American Zipper Merging Council.)
Oh, and read this, too.

Now he's all "Zipper merge!" but somebody cuts in front of Steve at the donut shop, out comes the pepper spray.
Albert Schweitzer, Mother Teresa, and now... Older Lady in the Black Car.

Who says there are no more heroes?
Steve, I will only "LEARN IT! KNOW IT! LIVE IT!" if you wear the Judge Reinhold pirate hat while saying that.
^ More like Judgemental Reinhold
The problem with suggesting a logical approach like 'zipper merging' to solve this problem is that it would require logical, considerate people to carry it out. It would also require most drivers to have actually heard of the concept in the first place, which i'm betting isn't the case.
I would submit that the real issue is that a.) we live in OR where people TRY to be considerate and b.) the DOT told us which lane was closed. As soon as *most* Oregonians heard that the accident was in the left lane, which was closed ahead, they moved right. Without this, the zipper might have worked.
Wow, the urban traffic engineering experts who are out to make everything super-efficient (in opposition to pure moral justice) are all anti Older Lady! Fuck you, officious twats, office hacks! Go, Older Lady! Fuck Shit Up! Do It Punk! Take a Stand! Fuck the Man! Make it Fucked Up! Make it Fucked Up! Make it Fucked Up! Make it Fucked Up!
Total zipper merge fan, but in this case, the lady was just forcing the zipper merge by moving both lanes of traffic at the same rate, rather than creating a "slow" lane of drivers polite enough to stay in their assigned lane, and a "fast" lane of drivers who saw a short-cut in front of the polite drivers (causing increased frustration, which then leads to increasingly aggressive driving, which leads to tailgating, more accidents and a general dissolve in the zipper theory).

Steve, you and the old lady are on the same side here. She's just forcing your theory into practice.
The real buttholes here are all the looky loo's who stopped to check out the CARNAGE rather than cruising on by at speed. ODOT should hang curtains at accident scenes so that folks can't see the crash.
Damnit Steve, everyone knows the Minnesota Department of Transportation has a pro-asshole bias.

I'm going to keep living by my made up, self-imposed rules and I'm going to feel superior about it! It's the RIGHT thing to do, unlike what those OTHER people do.
@ econoline:

I think it's in our nature to look even if we don't really want to, and even if we realize it's a little dangerous and inconsiderate and unnecessary to do so. And because of that, blocking the view like you suggest is an EXCELLENT idea.
@ Melogna

Mmmmmmm, no, that's not what she was doing at all. She was pulling some passive aggressive bullshit that was slowing down the people behind her who may have been trying to do a zipper merge (AKA the best merge in the WORRRRRLD!!).

Read a longer rant of mine about this subject with actual proof from experts (not the kind who comment here) here!…
Who. Fucking. Cares?
She flummoxed the sociopaths for a second. That's who fucking cares!
Zipper merged testicles are the best argument against going commando.

Boxer briefs are the best friend that I ever had, I fought the law and the law won.
Zipper merging is the ideal, but only functions when everyone cooperates. When entitled assholes (like the ones I saw yesterday on a busy street under construction near my home) take the "lane closed ahead" sign as their cue to continue forward in said lane until it is actually blocked, zipping past the waiting line of cars in the open lane, then force their way over closer to the front of the line, it brings the open lane to a near or total standstill.

They are asshole line cutters, and as willing as I am to allow people over further back in the line (when they should start seeking to merge and others should each take their turn allowing a car to do so in front of them), I WILL NOT voluntarily let in someone who ignores the signage and uses the closed lane as their personal pass lane.

Interesting that EVERY ONE of the vehicles I witnessed doing this yesterday was a higher-end, newer model (apparently driven by someone who felt THEIR time was far more valuable than those of us patiently waiting our turn).
How does one actually zipper merge his balls? Don't get me wrong i've seen Google imagines and am sure it is as true as the pictures i've viewed. (Only a sick bastard would photoshop that shit) I guess my math just thinks the tip of the dick would get caught before balls would.
In any case, you free balling fuckers are savages!
Steve: the recursive three-way merge kicks the zipper merge's ass.
Raven is fighting for the proletariat by not zipper merging.
Man, I love this comment thread.