I can handle small talk about your vacation in the Caribbean’s with your wife and kids. I even appreciate you making me wait in a hospital gown with my knees pointed to the sky from being in stirrups, waiting ever so patiently for you to return from lunch, because you fit me in Monday when I called to reschedule my pap smear.

As much as I do appreciate you letting me cancel my pap smear and fitting me in the same day, I DRAW THE LINE AT YOU ROARING A BURP INTO MY VAGINA, REGARDLESS IF YOU HAVE A MEDICAL MASK ON OR NOT! I laughed so hard, my vagina clenched down on the speculum, and I think it pinched cervix.