Dear new transplants to Portland,

No doubt you've enjoyed our awesome summers, the beers, the women on bikes, the food carts, house parties, etc. Summer in Portland is dope and it's probably fulfilled your wildest Portlandia dreams. Right?

Well now the real Portland has shown it's wet, soggy face, and it's gonna mean mug us all for the next 8 months so here's the rule: If you have an umbrella and the person walking toward you doesn't, DON'T walk along the space under the awnings and leave the other folks to get soaked. Your umbrella does specifically what those awnings do: block out rain. You're essentially keeping your umbrella dry while leaving other people to get drenched. WOMEN YOU SEEM TO BE THE MAIN CULPRIT OF THIS SHIT. I don't care if you're a lady, if you have an umbrella, get the fuck out from under the awnings and quit hugging the wall.

How and why this needs to be repeated every year is beyond me. I wish you fucktards with your fresh ink would move the fuck back to the midwest. FUCKITY FUCK FUCKERS!