You are a fat lazy stoner who grows weed under the table and collects food stamps eternally. I have no respect for you or your "art". I have neighbors who suffer- I mean REALLY suffer, working to raise kids and pay bills, while you kick back and masturbate your ego.
Also! Your alcoholism is not cool or romantic. You are old enough to know better; don't you feel like a dick when you are buying beer after you got organic, gourmet groceries with your Oregon Trail card?
May I suggest:
Taking responsibility for your well being: stop milking your misery, it's not cute anymore.
Haven't you wondered why your friends are avoiding you? It's because you have been living in victim mode for years, all the while collecting benefits and making bad art.