To the hipster Men and Women of Portland Oregon. I get the the mustaches, skinny jeans, bikes. tattoos , bike tattoos, personal stanky smell, dumb dancing style and over all lack of anything original since you are just imitating each other. I get that, and I get all of it. But I don't get the hefty set of keys hanging from your waist. I really don't. So, is a heavy set of keys more attractive as a suitor?? Like you, janitor jane has a fuck ton of places to be? So up and coming janitor Jean will find you attractive?? Or you jimmy, are you in charge of a whole bunch of lockers?? And once dishwasher Donnie see's them, a hard on will ensue and some kind of u-lock sex will commence? What gives?

And when you eat shit on your bike, and those keys puncture your hips, is that some sort of rite of passage? Do those scars earn you some street cred down at the tube or white owl??

I'm just wondering all this since you do all look very alike...