You were waiting for me to leave the restroom. I was looking at my iPhone and decided to watch the outcome of a porn I started watching at home. I forgot the volume and I know you heard a few seconds of it as I panicked and shut it down.

When I was exiting you had that look, like, I was doing something far worse in there. I wasn't. Please don't start some crazy shit with me, I know you are the dude who dribbles urine on the seat and can probably prove it so. Just. Don't..