DIRTY, FILTHY TRENCHMOUTH

DEAR MISS KATIA: This is Laurel Tree and yes, that's my name, but I'm not in the telephone book because I live with someone else.

Occasionally I pick up a complimentary copy of your "publication" at my local Plaid Pantry out of curiosity definitely not for the same reason I buy the NY TIMES!

The same kind of curiosity led me to read your item on the (so-called) "flea-bag" hotel ["Room 219," Feb 21]. I could not help wondering why someone who has obvious journalistic talents would stoop to using crude language--such as your description of the odor of "stale piss." Do you think "urine" is a dirty word?

And then there was the heading, "Getting the F--- Out." I refuse to believe that the Mercury staff suffers from a paucity of vocabulary or think that unless you use gutter-language, you are not "with it." Didn't your mama ever tell you that LADIES don't use vulgar language? GREAT writers have written about low-life characters (Dickens, Dumas, and a few other guys) so vividly that you could almost see them in your mind's eye and did so without using ONE off-color word. I realize that the Mercury does not pretend to be a "literary" publication. Feel free to print this unless you feel it isn't "dirty" enough.

Laurel Tree

JOSH FEIT: KISSING UP TO THE REDS

TO THE EDITOR: I find it interesting that when extolling the virtues of those true left wing heroes, the Viet Cong ["Another Vietnam: Pictures of the War from the Other Side," Books, Feb 28], Josh Feit expresses how ironic it is that the majority of the images that helped turn the tide of public sentiment against the war came from western journalists. "Ironically, all of these photos--images that helped turn the U.S. public against the U.S. war, were snapped by Western photographers."

They were the product of a free press, something citizens of "hard-left" utopias have never been able to enjoy.

Tom David

RON JEREMY IS FUNNY AND NICE

HEY MERCURY: Just thought I'd put in my two cents, and this pathetic picture of me and Ron Jeremy ["Ron Jeremy is Gross," Film, Feb 28]. The article said Ron has 10", when in fact he'll quickly admit to being a mere nine and 3/4". What's even more amazing is how short this guy is. I'm practically a midget and I'm taller than him.

I used to be under the impression he was just sort of an annoying porn moron--then I talked with him. That guy is one fast slick-talking fucker; surprisingly funny too. I found him way more impressive in person than on video.

For the non-porn films he's been in, I think Terror Firmer from Troma films has got to be the best (especially if you'd like to see Ron getting mutilated).

Travis

IT'S RAINING LESBIANS! (HALLELUJAH!)

TO THE EDITOR: Rumor has it that Portland is filled with lesbians. According to the Mercury's Sex Survey [Feb 7], that's not true. I'm going to assume the dykes are out there, they just don't send in surveys. OK, so I've been to the Egyptian Club and it wasn't working for me. But really, how could that be the only place? I'm not looking to join a singles club or place a personal, I just want to strike up conversation over a beer. So where are all the dykes? I have a sneaking suspicion I'm not the only one wondering where the lesbians are hiding.

Dykes of Portland, I have a proposition: Let's create our own Dyke Night Out! Think of it as a One-Night-A-Week-Lesbian-Takeover of Portland. Once a week, I'll send out an email naming a different bar or club, and that Saturday (as Portland's lesbians swarm to the bar), we shall pretend it is Dyke Night. Not only is this a marvelous chance to see and be seen, but what a way to get to know the various venues of the Rose City!

Want to be on my list? Email dykenightportland@yahoo.com with your email address and a bar you'd like to see overflowing with lesbians

Looking for the Lesbos

Congratulations, Looking for Lesbos! For your selfless act of lesbionic heroism, you win the Mercury "Letter of the Week," and two free tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater! (Perhaps you can find a lesbian to accompany you!) Got a beef with us? Well, do ya, meat-face? Send your letter to the address above and you could be our next winner!