You can tell we're entering a week of debates because the sports metaphors are flying in the media. You'd think we're talking about a boxing match. Or a baseball game. Whatever! Now that both the candidates are prepping for debates (one imagines them in a batting cage, wearing boxing gloves and tossing a football around) and not making public appearances, the media is in full debate frenzy, talking about winners and losers in a way that bears almost no relation to reality. Remember the last set of debates in 2008? They surely did direct the national conversation—Joe the Plumber became a household name at an Obama/McCain debate—but it directed the conversation in a way nobody could have predicted. And nobody won them. Or lost them. But reporters sure did talk a whole lot about how nobody delivered "a knockout punch" during the debate.

So, I give up. You want sports? I'll give you sports. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?