AND ALL THAT JAZZ!
The Portland Thorns HIGH KICKED into their preseason Sunday night when they beat the Chicago Red Stars 1-0! KARATE CHOP FLIP FLOP!
It certainly wasn’t a huge crowd that attended this first of three Thorns preseason matches, but what the stadium lacked in attendance, the fans made up for with volume and support. THEY MIGHT BE WATER LOGGED AND DEPRESSED,BUT THORNS FANS CAN STILL START A FIRE!

THEY HAD IT COMING
The Red Stars controlled the ball for the majority of the first half. The Thorns worked hard to keep up and hold off any Chi goals. Thorns starting goalie Adrianna Franch got off to an impressive start with some stunning saves.
OXY CLEAN SHEET!

In the first half, Chicago took twice as many shots as Portland, four corner kicks to Portland’s one, and committed only three fouls. But miraculously, the Thorns came out of the first 45 with a point. Not just any ordinary point, but a penalty kick by your favorite Dane: Nadia Nadim. BETTER GET A POT HOLDER—'CAUSE NADIM IS SERVING POINTS UP HOT AND FRESH!

The second half felt different than the first. COLDER AND WETTER BECAUSE IT KEPT RAINING?
Maybe... but the Thorns came out playing stronger, faster and a touch rougher. It’s not that they came in more determined for the second 45, but the team seemed more willing to take chances and play with their side of the ball. The Thorns had some terrific breakaways, showed some stellar defensive footwork, and managed a handful of near goals. But in the end Thorns kept to their one goal and a terrific start to the 2017 season—preseason, excuse me.

STOP PANICKING!
I was flooded with texts with folks wondering where Tobin Heath was? It's preseason guys—DON'T FREAK OUT There were quite a few newbies that Coach Parsons wanted to see on the field, and there simply isn't room on that roster sheet for everyone. Know who else wasn't listed? Dagny Brynjarsdottir, Lindsey Horan, Meg Morris, and Katherine Reynolds. The Red Stars were missing both team captain Christen Press as well as starting center back Julie Johnston. SO TAKE A BREATH, PORTLAND—IT'S PRESEASON

WHAT’S IN A NAME?
The Red Stars? Really? Is that the best they could come up with? I know the Chicago Fire is out of the question, but you guys are Chicago, for crying out loud! Namesake to one of the most biting and over the top jazzy-brassy musicals, CHICAGO!
Was the “Fighting Fosse’s” even on the list? How about “Matron Mama Mortons”? They had the opportunity to give this league the ol' Razzle Dazzle but instead they went with the humdrum “Red Stars.” LET’S GET SOME SEQUINS UP IN THIS LEAGUE!

COLOR ME IMPRESSED
Speaking of sequins, I’d like to tip my sequined beret to Portland Thorn Celeste Boureille. She started with the team last year, and got some valid time on the field with five starts and 422 minutes during the regular season. She started in Sunday night’s game as a defender and played high on the wing to provide both defensive coverage and scoring assistance with her crosses.
Her near perfect cross in the first half initiated an eventual foul on Ali Long that lead to the PK. AND WE ALL KNOW HOW THAT ENDS Later, in the second half, Boureille had another monster cross just before she was subbed out. MORE CROSSES THAN EASTER SUNDAY! Boureille played fast and smart Sunday night and maybe it’s the 2014 Sauvignon Blanc talking, but if she doesn't get a few points and assists on the board this season, I will be very surprised.

WHAT'S AHEAD?
Besides another week full of rain, Thorns play the US Women’s U23 team on Wednesday at 7:30 pm. I will attend and report on that after their final preseason match on April 1 when they play Houston Dash at 7:30 pm. If you need some all caps love from me before then, get at me on twitter @erinjeanius.

Meanwhile, get a raincoat, get to a game, and try to enjoy life for a little while.