Opening This Week

A Christmas Carol
If you don't know the story by now, you must not be Christian. Portland Center Stage, 1111 SW Broadway, 274-6588, Tues-Wed, Sun 7 pm, Thurs-Sat 8 pm, Sat, Sun 2 pm, Thurs 12 pm, through Dec 24, $16-44

Queen of the Universe Productions presents Forgetting the Last Kiss
A one-man show exploring the life of Michael McClafferty; his art, his sex life, his memory. Brody Theater, 1904 NW 27th Ave, 224-0688, Fri-Sat 10:30 pm, through Dec 15, $8

One Week Only

Communicating Doors
The story of Ms. Poopay Dayseer, a 21st century Specialist Sex Consultant. Clackamas Community College, 19600 S Molalla Ave, 657-6958, x2356, Thurs-Sat 8 pm, Sun 2:30 pm, $4-7

Hoichi the Earless
Terror served up in the form of a Japanese ghost story. PLUS, it's called Hoichi the Earless...If that's not reason enough to see it, I don't know what is. B & O Warehouse, SE 2nd and Stark, 957-5245, Thurs-Mon, Dec 3, Call for show times, $7-10

Master Harold... and the Boys
Athol Fugard's study of a racially mixed friendship in the apartheid society of South Africa. PSU, Lincoln Hall , 1620 SW Park Avenue, 682-6765, Thurs-Sat 8 pm, Sun 2 pm, $4

Miracle Theater Company presents Nomadas del sol
Polish choreographer Agnieszka Laska, directs this Mexican dance troupe. If that doesn't sound cool, I don't know what does. Winningstad Theater, 1111 SW Broadway, 224-TIXX, Fri-Sat 8 pm, Sun 2 pm, $12-15

Reed Theatre Mainstage presents Triumph of Love
A directing thesis by student Paul Miller, in the form of a musical based on a play by Marivaux. Reed College, 3203 SE Woodstock Blvd, 522-9453, Thurs-Sat 8 pm, $1-5

Closing This Week

Natural Born Castaways
A one-act musical that parodies pop culture like Gilligan's Island and the Beatles. Russell Street Theater, 116 NE Russell, 806-1526, Fri-Sat 10:30 pm, through Dec 1, $10

Current Runs

Call In Sick presents Theatre of the Film Noir
Paris...war...fog...criminals...morality...1944...noir. Raindog Theatre, 8638 N Lombard St, 335-3297, Fri-Sat 8 pm, through Dec 8, $8-14

Christmas With the Crawfords
Nothing says "holiday cheer" like Joan Crawford, the bitchiest woman on planet Earth. Triangle Productions, at Theater! Theatre!, 3430 SE Belmont, 239-5919, Thurs 7:30 pm, Fri-Sat 8 pm, Sun 5 pm, through Dec 22, $12-16

Crumbs From the Table of Joy
Memory play about a 1950s African American family who has moved to the North, and is trying to find a place for themselves in postwar America. Artists Repertory Theater, 1516 SW Alder St, 241-1278, Tues-Thurs 7 pm, Fri-Sat 8 pm, Sun 2 pm, through Dec 15, $24-28

Fen
Sowelu Theater at the Back Door, 4319 SE Hawthorne Blvd, 230-2090, Thurs-Sat 8 pm, Sun 4 pm, through Dec 15, $7-15

Footlight Frenzy
A desperate PTA group mounts a benefit play to save their kids' school--with calamitous results... Lakewood Theatre Company, 368 S State St, 635-3901, Thurs-Sat 8 pm, Sun 7 pm, through Dec 9, $18-20

Holiday Story
Cheer, cynicism, depression, consumerism... all the Holiday traditions rolled into one, happy bundle of improvisation. Brody Theater, 1904 NW 27th Ave, 224-0688, Fri-Sat 8 pm, through Dec 15, $10

I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change
The I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change juggernaut rolls on... World Trade Center Auditorium, 121 SW Salmon, 239-5919, Fri-Sat 8 pm, through Dec 22, $23-25

Nunsense 'A Men'
The age-old story of men dressed up as nuns. Flying Rhinoceros Theater, 1440 NW Overton Street, 239-5919, Wed-Thurs 7:30 pm, Fri-Sat 8 pm, Sun 1 pm, through Dec 15, $20-25

The Physicists
Theatre Vertigo presents The Physicists, which is a story about some actual physicists who're slightly batty. Theatre Vertigo at the Russell Street Theater, 116 N Russell, 306-0870, Thurs-Sat 8 pm, Sun 4 pm, through Dec 1, $10-14

Tru
Jazz pianist Robert Hicks plays Truman Capote in this one-man show about one of the most flamboyant voices ever! Triangle Productions, at Theater! Theatre!, 3430 SE Belmont, 239-5919, Thurs 7:30 pm, Fri-Sat 8 pm, Sun 5 pm, through Dec 22, $15-19

Working
American Heritage Theater Project presents a musical adaptation of Studs Terkel's biography on the working man and woman. Multnomah Arts Center, 7688 SW Capitol Hwy, 245-3642, Fri-Sat 8 pm, Sun 2 pm, through Dec 9, $10 (suggested donation)