ONE WEEK ONLY

Exotica Go-Go's Beach Blanket Birthday
You have but one night to catch this act, which features hula-hoop contortions, sword swallowing, and a "Live Mermaid Show." Dante's, 1 SW 3rd Ave, 226-6630, $5

OPENING This Week

Pinocchio
The story of the long-nosed puppet who just can't stop getting into trouble. Brought to you, fittingly, by puppeteers! Other Hand Productions, at the West End Theatre, 1220 SW Taylor, 282-7048, ext 1, Fri 7 pm, Sat-Sun 2 pm, $8-$12

Antiques Improv Show
Bring your mom to this one: it's an improv spoof on the popular PBS show in which collectibles are appraised by alleged experts. Brody Theater, 1904 NW 27th Ave, 224-0688, Fri-Sat 8 pm, through Nov 2, $10, $9 with item to be "appraised" during the show

Closing This Week

An Enemy of the People
Henrick Ibsen's much done classic about a doctor who warns his town about their contaminated City Baths, and gets reamed for it. PSU Theater Dept, at Lincoln Hall, Portland State University, 1620 SW Park Ave, 725-3307, Thurs-Sat 8 pm, $7-$9

Apocalypse Mambo
Last chance to see this funny, philosophical show featuring everything from cavemen learning the word, "fuck," to apocalyptic angels trying to parallel park. Hoskins & Breen, at Coho Theater, 2257 NW Raleigh, 242-0202, Fri-Sat 10:30 pm, through Nov 23, $10

Crimes of the Heart
Beth Henley's Pulitzer Prize winner about three sisters who band together to save the youngest from a murder charge. Clackamas Community College (McLoughlin Theatre), 19600 S Molalla Ave, 657-6958, x2356, Thurs-Sat 7 pm, Sun 2:30 pm, $5-$8

The Amazing Brenda Strider
The script for this play spends way too much time on the Brenda Strider segment--a trite, uninteresting piece of pulp about a mysterious babe and her murderous plastic surgeon husband-and not enough time on the interesting relationship between the cancer-stricken Gene and his screenwriting partner, the sleazy Jerry. JWS Coho Theatre, 2257 NW Raleigh, 220-2646, Thurs-Sat 8 pm, Sun 2 pm, through Nov 23, $16-$18

CURRENT RUNS

A Tuna Christmas
I'd rather have hot acid dripped on my foreskin than endure another episode in Tuna, the fictitious Texan town that Triangle unloaded on unsuspecting audience members with the recent show, Greater Tuna. Tuna ia a nauseating place full of the kind of southern stereotypes that only the most poorly written trash is capable of generating. Supposedly it has a large fan base in Portland, which I guess is why some cruel god up above ever allowed for the sequel to be run. Triangle Productions, at Theater! Theatre!, 3430 SE Belmont, 239-5919, Fri-Sat 8 pm, through Dec 21, $18-$23

Blithe Spirit
If there is a genre more generic than farce, I don't know what it is. And if there is a farce in the farce genre more generic than this tale of a British novelist haunted by ghosts, I don't know what it is. That said, farce fans will feel right at home. Lakewood Theatre Company , 368 S State St, 635-3901, Thurs-Sat 8 pm, Sun 2pm, through Dec 8, $18-$20

Angry Housewives
A bunch of pissed off housewives form a punk rock band as an act of rebellion. Hilarity ensues. Triangle Productions, at Theater! Theatre!, 3430 SE Belmont, 239-5919, Thurs-Sat 8 pm, Sun 1 pm, through Jan 18, $22-$25

Curse of the Great Eleven
Part black comedy, part mystery, and all the way freaky, Eleven centers on the descendants of a 1920s Californian cult that committed mass murder. Nothing in their house is what it seems, and the past mingles with the present until the two are indiscernible. Another cast may not have been able to pull this show off, but the Sowelu Theater Ensemble has made the mystic very believable, very funny and very scary all at once. An organic energy works between the characters, pushing and pulling toward the bizarre climax, wherein the audience is left titillated by a host of questions. AS Sowelu Theater at the Back Door, 4319 SE Hawthorne Blvd, 230-2090, Thurs-Sat 8 pm, Sun 4 pm, through Dec 15, $7-$15

Fuddy Meers
Comedy involving memory loss and a limping, lisping, half-deaf, half-blind man in a ski mask. Portland Actors Conservatory, 1436 SW Montgomery St, 274-1717, Thurs 7 pm, Fri-Sat 8 pm, Sun 2 pm, through Dec 1, $13-$20

Honey in the Horn
Oregon has a history full of horse-tradin', jail breakin', and fortune huntin'. Learn about it here. Artists Repertory Theatre, 1516 SW Alder St, 241-9807, Tues-Thurs, Sun 7 pm, Fri-Sat 8 pm, Sun 2 pm, through Dec 22, $15-30

Steel Magnolias
Play about women who congregate at a salon. May or may not be as stomach-curdling as the film version with Dolly Parton and Julia Roberts. Magdelyn Theatre Company, 40 NW 5th, 310-1628, Thurs-Fri 8 pm, Sun 2 pm, through Dec 14, $10-$12

Cabaret Allumage Extravaganza
The second installment of this ongoing series, this time featuring the Hot Jazz Dancers, bellydancers, unicycle fire juggling, fire dance, ringmasters, dazzling cabaret singers, acrobatics, a dance party, and more! Fez, 316 SW 11th Ave, 287-1794, Sat 8 pm, $10

dance

Now!
A rehash of Do Jump's summer show, which had a lot of high-budget technical wizardry, and very little else. Do Jump! at the Echo Theatre, 1515 SE 37th, 224-8499, Fri-Sat 7:30 pm, Sun 3 pm, through Dec 1, $15-22