I am a walking, talking pre-existing condition.

I have anxiety. I have a bulging disc in my back that has numbed two toes forever and periodically sends me to bed for a week at a time. I have a family history of breast cancer. I have TID, or Trump-Induced Dysthymia, a less severe but more persistent form of depression brought on by a President who hates all brown people and can’t form a cohesive sentence.*

I also have a new disorder every week, garnered by perusing WebMD, or, as I call it, Pinterest for Hypochondriacs. I’m not alone in this—so many people share this hobby that doctors have coined a new term for us: Cyberchondriacs. So I have that now, too.

What I’m saying is, when Republicans are done shoving their new healthcare bill down the throats of Democrats with a giant, splinter-y tongue depressor, I will be putting on my old lady swimsuit and wading into the high-risk pool. (C’mon in! The water’s... way more expensive than Evian.)

Even better: According to The Hill, last week the GOP introduced some changes to the bill wherein states could get waivers on Obamacare provisions like the “community rating” requirement, which prevented insurers from charging those of us with an assload of pre-existing conditions higher premiums (the word “assload” wasn’t in the bill, but it was implied). And since Republicans control both houses in 33 states, when they “send something to the states,” what they’re saying is, “We’re essentially passing a law for most of the country, but the state senators are the ones who will look like assholes.”

At the same time this change was being introduced, Utah Republican and World’s Feckless-est House Oversight and Government Reform Chairman Jason Chaffetz announced he would be out for a month to get surgery on a foot he shattered 12 years ago, requiring 14 screws and a metal plate. Now, I might be wrong, but I’m guessing “has a hardware store in his ankle” is pretty high on the list of pre-existing conditions. Shouldn’t Chaffetz be worried that the House will pass the bill while he’s out and (apologies in advance for this) screw him?

As I write this, he’s not worried. Want to know why? Because Republicans actually added a provision to the bill exempting the Senate from its effects. To be clear, Republicans, in the bill they’ve claimed is necessary because Obamacare “literally kills women” (Michele Bachmann) and is like “Jews boarding trains to concentration camps” (Idaho State Senator Sheryl Nuxoll), have included a provision that allows them to keep their Obamacare protections.

Because they were called out for it by Democrats, they’re apparently taking that provision out, but it’s too late now. They’ve already shown us they know there are aspects of Obamacare that truly work for Americans because they’re Americans and want to keep them.

I don’t know what’s going to happen in January 2018—will I get to keep my current insurance at the low, low price of $454 a month plus co-pays, or will my premium skyrocket? A Kaiser Foundation study found that insurers raised premiums by 50 percent due to mental health issues, but I’d be the lucky one in that case. Cancer patients’ premiums can go up by up to $44,000 a year based on what state they live in, or they can just be dropped—another ACA protection the GOP wants to take away.

So if you’re an American who’s NOT in Congress and you support this bill, be aware that your premiums may go up. Because if my reading of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders is correct, massive stupidity and selective blindness are both incurable preexisting conditions.

*This isn’t a real thing, but it also is a real thing because I have it.