Politics Jan 22, 2009 at 5:16 pm

Sam Adams Problem: SOLVED

Wm. Steven Humphrey
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Comments

1
The Most Humiliating: He should take a reporting job with the Mercury.
Bob R. on January 22, 2009 at 5:22 PM Report this
2
Or spend the entire day reading lame comments. Reverse burn.
Wm. Steven Humphrey on January 22, 2009 at 5:24 PM Mercury Staff
3
Lame comments are your bread and butter -- I'm just trying to do my part.
Bob R. on January 22, 2009 at 5:26 PM Report this
4
Or he could watch me and Steven make beautiful babies for days on end. That would be delicious.
What!? Still not talking to me Stevie!!!???
~Channaj
channaj on January 22, 2009 at 5:27 PM Report this
5
And here I thought it was advertising!
Wm. Steven Humphrey on January 22, 2009 at 5:28 PM Mercury Staff
6
Oh! Sorry! Hi Channaj.
Wm. Steven Humphrey on January 22, 2009 at 5:29 PM Mercury Staff
7
I like the stockade or egg firing squad idea. In the words of the Mikado:

"My object all sublime, I will achieve in time, to let the punishment fit the crime. The punishment fit the crime. And make each prisoner pent, unwittingly represent, a source of innocent merriment. Of innocent merriment."
PDX206 on January 22, 2009 at 5:33 PM Report this
8
I fully support the week of pantsing because I'm filthy like that.
Jinx on January 22, 2009 at 5:38 PM Report this
9
"And here I thought it was advertising!"

Paid advertising... that's soooo 2008. :-)
Bob R. on January 22, 2009 at 5:39 PM Report this
10
Make him be Bob Ball's butler. For a month.
D on January 22, 2009 at 5:43 PM Report this
11
Part of me thinks we might be giving him just what he wants if he publicly flagellate him. He seems to like the pain- why else would he let that press conference go on for an hour?

Why don't we punish him with love instead?

No forgiveness, though. Punish and move on. But no forgiveness for getting someone else to lie for him, and for putting his own interests first, in front of the city's.
I love Portland on January 22, 2009 at 5:50 PM Report this
12
I have no problem offering my forgiveness, that is how we have a civilization.
After he steps down, which is the natural consequence component of the wrongdoing.
Mr Adams - D forgives you.
D on January 22, 2009 at 6:06 PM Report this
13
HAHAHA...

The post cracks me up and the comments by the master himself:

BOB R

crack me up!
Al M on January 22, 2009 at 6:27 PM Report this
14
Sam,

I'm starting to feel sorry for you.

Here's what you do.

Find some people to orchestrate an attack on the PORTLAND BUILDING.

Blame it on Vancouver and declare a State of Emergency.

Send in the National Guard to invade Washington.

Don't forget to wear a flag on your lapel!

(Hey, if it could work with a moron from Texas it should work for you)
Al M on January 22, 2009 at 6:33 PM Report this
15
Are you going to give him the spanking, Steven? BTW: This post is awesome. <3
Miranda Radik on January 22, 2009 at 6:35 PM Report this
16
@Mikey Golightly: "Punish him with love" but "no forgiveness" sounds nice, but I have no idea what it means.
mitdasein on January 22, 2009 at 6:41 PM Report this
17
Good one, Al. Wish I'd thought of it.
Bob R. on January 22, 2009 at 6:59 PM Report this
18
To make sure this doesn't happen in the future, Sam must give a detailed sexual history.

Sexxay details. Speaking slowly.

mmmmm......podium....
penthesilea on January 22, 2009 at 7:04 PM Report this
19
Did you try....the comfy chair?

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

kiala on January 22, 2009 at 7:15 PM Report this
20
I drink your retarted attempt at humor. I drink it up!
idrinktheline on January 22, 2009 at 7:45 PM Report this
21
The comfy chair!?

LOL!!LOL!!

Who is this Kiala?

She even watches MONTY PYTHON!

I just saw that episode!

I just happen to be available!
Al M on January 22, 2009 at 10:35 PM Report this
22
One straight week of Downtown Clean and Safe duty--including the chance for residents and tourists alike to gawk, point, cluck and taunt him.

That's actually plausible.
torridjoe on January 23, 2009 at 12:26 AM Report this
23
Make him go a week without being on the tee-vee.
Inductee on January 23, 2009 at 1:09 AM Report this
24
My brother in-law (or something) suggested that he should have to wear a scarlet A. I mean, really, what is more appropriate for a puritan witch hunt than a puritan punishment?

Personally, I'd go for dunking him in the Willamette. We'll give him 4 years lead time, if he doesn't clean it up, (or if he is a witch,) he'll melt. He'll need to "nationalize" PGE, close Boardman, replace all the power with solar and wind, and the mercury (not the paper) levels in the river should become somewhat safe. However, if anyone can finish Vera's business, Sam can. (I can't believe people fish out of that thing.)
BobTheJanitor on January 23, 2009 at 1:20 AM Report this
25
Vogon Poetry perhaps?
MrBaker on January 23, 2009 at 2:05 AM Report this
26
Maybe he should have to shovel everyone's sidewalks during the next snowstorm? Although I like Kiala's idea best.
Sideshow Val on January 23, 2009 at 7:49 AM Report this
27
I think it would be humiliating to have no one respect you as a leader. And that won't even require any extra work on our parts.
Blabby on January 23, 2009 at 8:53 AM Report this
28
I love these ideas. I think riding a tricycle down Burnside while everyone shots "Boo!" is a great idea.

kirsten on January 23, 2009 at 9:02 AM Report this
29
Love the pantsing idea. Did it in middle school to Jared Brode when he was hanging from a basketball rim in gym class in front of the whole 7th grade. Got me famous for a week. And that's the point of all this, right? Let's get Portland moving and accept the fact that 2009 will probably be the crazy year where all the buried shit in the world all comes to light. Damn internet.
Lt. Billiam Esquire III on January 23, 2009 at 4:57 PM Report this

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