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PO Box 86208, Portland, OR 97286
PO Box 86208, Portland, OR 97286
Who's there?
9/11
9/11 who?
YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER FORGET!!
"my father's name was Ferdinand, my mother's name was Liza- and so between the two of them, they named me Fert-a-Liza!!" ba dum-pump-CHING!
Who's there?
Smell Mop.
...
Suddenly he sees the police lights flashing behind him.
Pulls over, "ohh shit! knew I shouldn't of had that 10th vodka!!", he notices its a tall blonde woman officer. Thinking "yeah, I'll give her some of my yuppie charm!"
She approaches and immediately sees he is trashed; eyes rolling into his head, head bobbing..
"Have you been drinking? Please step out of the car!"
He steps out, the female officers cuffs him and says "anything you say can and will be used against you!"
He responds: "BOOBIES!!!"
And Cthulhu says "Rl'yeh fthagn, ahem! Blimey! Sorry, phlegm. Bit ill, actually."
So Nyarlahotep rubs three of his pseudopods together and says, "I have just the thing!"
And he leads the mighty Elder One across the non-Euclidean town sqaure, down a dodgy back alley, where an eldritch couple of debt collectors are lurking.
And Nyarlahotep says:
"Here's that sick squid I owe you."
A: You mean, you don’t know?
meowlk, meowlk
dude: "what's your name?"
lady: "carmen"
dude: "that's a very pretty name."
lady: "my name used to be mary, i recently changed it because i like cars and i like men."
lady: "what's your name?"
dude: "beerfuck."
Because he had a chicken stuck on his dick.
Four. One to drop the old bulb and three to pickitup pickitup pickitup.
"You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons."
Tep onna brake, tupid
When the artist finishes the tattoo, she looks at it and says, "that looks absolutely nothing like Paul Newman or Robert Redford!"
The tattoo artist goes outside and grabs the first person that walks by. He takes him inside, the lady gets back on the table, spreads her legs, and the artist asks the man who he sees. The man replies, "I don't know who the ones on the outside are, but the one in the middle looks like Willie Nelson."
A: Coming out to your parents.
So, the dad sees his son and kind of panics and stops giving it to his wife and sheepishly apologizes to his son. The kid just kind of says, "Fucking weak. That was gross. Whatever. I'm going to my room."
A few days later, the dad comes home to see his son boning the shit out of his own grandmother. The dad, appropriately responds, "What the fuck is going on!?"
To which the kid replies, "Not so funny when it's YOUR mom, is it?"
the last 'your' should be in italics
A: Only one when the Portlander in question is BRANDON FUCKING ROY.
The economy is so bad, the Low Brow lounge is actually full of undesirable types.
The economy is so bad, MC Hammer wrote a song about it. Then he was named CEO of AIG.
I had to consult with other staffers and since our collective sense of humor hovers right around "puerile," we all agreed that the funniest thing is that poor gay T-Rex. Tiny arms, etc. Thanks for playing, everybody.