Dear Mr. Davis,

Let's take our high-horses and have a parade! Isn't tee-totaling way more fun than having fun? I know it sure as fuck is.

Yours truly,

Graham

post-script: I filled out the survey based on my previous drinking habits. I scored a 12%, same as you. Apparently, drinking a bottle of wine six days a week puts you in that category.

Yes. I think the best part of not drinking is getting to lord it over the drinkers. Like being an ex-smoker, only worse. Also: Judgment.

I answered everything truthfully and the survey told me that while my average drinking didn't pose many risks to my health (2 drinks 5 days a week, ~8 drinks 2 days a week), that some of my drinking could lead to problems.

I went back and took it again after seeing Graham's post as I never saw a percentage given, and after I took it again I still didn't see one.

Where did you see a percentage (12%), Graham?

I played around with it a bit. It says you're cool if you drink 6 cocktails in one sitting 2 times a week and there isn't anything to worry about but it's not cool if you drink 6 12 ounce beers in one sitting 3 times a week. I beg to differ with this survey.

7% bases on current habits. yay depression!

WHERE ARE YOU GUYS FINDING A PERCENTAGE?

Goddamnit I've taken it three times now and am never given a percentage.

I've had 3 drinks in two years. I can't even take the test.

Okay, I scored a 10. Not so bad.

But I kept going with the after questions, and I had to stop to laugh when I got to:

Do you want to explore ways to quit using alcohol all together or to cut back on the amount of alcohol you drink?

Options being:
1. I would like to stop using alcohol all together
2. I would like to cut back on my drinking

I'm sorry, but I could not, in good conscience, advance beyond this question. It would require me to lie.

I'm going to be building my "alcohol awareness" about a half hour from now, know-what-I'm-saying-over-here?! Right? Am I right?!

I got a 4%. I'm fucked?

@Jackattak - It told me that you got a 9%.

Dry Drunks unite!

8% based on current habits. This is frequently reflected in comments I leave on the Mercury after 7:30 p.m.