I think, in the internet parlance o' the times, I can only offer:

"wtf lol"

. . . . . . .

This Is Why Matt Davis Left.

Did Nex write this?

If you hired John, I would read his articles.

As long as he whines a bunch about everything in a funny way...

My question is: is this guy a greater danger to himself, or others?

@kiala It sort of sounds like he did, but I doubt it. I think the author is a college student who just read Henry Milller for the first time.

@Graham

Actually, it's me writing from the year 1996.

Bizarrely, I know a guy named John who writes shit like this. Or, used to anyway. Him writing such screeds -- and then demanding that everyone he knows listen to him read it aloud -- tended to really creep everyone the fuck out.

He was another one of these nutbar dudes who seem to imprint themselves on me from time to time and demand that we be besties for whatever nutbar reason, so I made sure he lost my contact info at least five years back.

That said, I wanted to think this was just an entertaining "hey look how crazy I am" parody of the mentally ill (they make an AWESOME topic for humor), but it's just slightly too long for that.

Methinks John is truly the nutbar he plays on TV.

@Graham. Totally with you on the Henry Miller, but that's kinda why I like this letter

Inventive, yes! But trying too hard. Dial it back, let a little subtlety in.

Lit majors get bored when they can't find jobs after graduation.

I wonder what finals Death was studying for.

My favorite line would be a toss-up between "Editor," and "John."

This is why there should be a mandatory psych evaluation for anyone majoring in Lit or English.