Comments

1
Just buy them a bottle of booze, ignore the registry.
2
Amen to this, and to tk. We explicitly said no gifts for these reasons (though we had some basic guidance/charities for those who insisted) and I've always been anti-registry, even though I understand how simple it can make things. Like tk., my standard gift is a bottle of fancy champagne to be enjoyed on the one year anniversary. Dishware from Elsa and Sam is another one - I don't care if it doesn't match anything.
3
First: Putting registries on a wedding invitation is TACKY. There's just no excuse for that shit. If you need to have a registry, create one (Amazon.com does a good job) and let your mother, mother-in-law, and maid of honor know. They're the ones who are supposed to tell wedding guests who specifically ask.

Second: Don't want to give a gift? Then don't. They're not required, and if someone tells you the value of the gift you bring should "cover" your meal at the reception, give 'em two in the mommy slot for me. Uncouth dirtbags.

For the record, the only occasion for which a gift is pretty much mandatory is a shower. Which is why I tell people who invite me to showers to suck the corn outta my shit.
4
TWSS, I think I love you.
5
PROTIP: Buy on present...CLEARLY mark it as from you. Then, buy a dildo. Wrap it nicely (different wrapping paper helps) but don't put a card with it. Then just...ahem...slip it in with the rest of the presents. Ahhhh...the joy that will be had when they unwrap that present in front of their parents and loved ones the morning after the wedding.

Done this...TWICE.
6
YES! Few things in life have I so strongly agreed with! It's like the words were literally taken out of my head.
7
Just buy them a gift, come on. If they're paying for a halfway decent wedding you'll recoup the cost in food and drink.
8
I was shocked to see in the letter that there are people insinuating the drinks and food should justify the gift, and then I see this comment by bd saying they'll 'recoup' the cost?! That is some bullshit! If -ever- you feel you are -required- to get a gift for someone, that immediately negates the whole purpose of gift giving and receiving. And giving a gift because you feel the cost will be recuperated by the receiver? That again really defeats the purpose entirely.
9
I feel like this about every wedding and birthday I go to. Maybe I need better friends? Maybe it's a dumb tradition.

I like tk's tip about the booze. I'd probably opt for wine, and feel obligated to get something worth at least $20 anyway. Just writing this makes me feel cheap.
If I was buying someone a birthday drink, it would be $10 or so, which is a tradition I like to think was still happening, but maybe not as much in Portland?
10
This is my worst fear- that our friends will think a gift is required and instead of just showing up at our reception, they will stress themselves out trying to come up with a gift and show up grumpy. I fear my friends will do that because that's exactly what I always do. As someone who is trying to plan a wedding, let me assure you- all I want is for everyone to have a good time. My worst fear is not a lack of gifts, it's bored, or worse, cranky guests.
11
Uh... after all the wedding gifts I've bought, if the cultural tide turns on one this before I get married I'm gonna be pissed. I WANT NEW KITCHENWARE.

I love a registry. I'm going to buy a present--at least if it's a wedding for people I actually care about, which mostly so far it has been. The registry tells me what to buy so I don't have to worry about buying them their third asparagus coker or whatever. I can kind of get the ire here on a hypothetical level, but practically, when my friends are getting married, I like the idea of them starting out with nice new things. Also I fully intend to cash in if/when I ever get hitched.
12
What the fuck is an asparagus coker?
13
I agree with this letter in part, but not totally. If this is your attitude towards the lucky couple, then you probably should have the class to decline the invitation to their wedding. If the idea of spending $20 on them gets you this angry, you probably don't care about them all that much. So don't use their wedding as a chance to go to a party, get laid, or whatever your interest is.

People who get this indignant about getting a gift for a wedding or birthday party just come off sounding like asocial assholes. A bottle of wine is fine. Or how about something that is thoughtful and relevant to the person, but is homemade or from a thrift store, so it costs next to nothing? Oh I forgot, that would take effort and you don't care about this person that much.
14
We didn't ask for anything or register. Our friends gave us some nice booze, a vintage tea service, and some porn. A relative knitted us a blanket.

People who spend a shitload of money on their wedding and reception are incredibly stupid; don't support them with a Cuisinart.
15
Cooker.

Asparagus cooker.
16
@ jim - I think it's something someone invented for those who don't understand how to lay asparagus horizontally in a frying pan with some water/oil/butter?

Oh and I also like tk's suggestion and Blabby's too. Also, Alison, I'm sure lots of people will get you kitchen ware, don't worry. I get the impression you aren't a huge bitch with two fancy cars.
17
@ Bruce Wang: Correct. Alison is a huge bitch with four fancy cars.*

@ Blabby: Everyone sounds like either an asshole or a pussy when they're complaining. This is a valid complaint - just look at the predictable debate it kicked up. Anyone over 25 knows about the multi-decade shakedown of the wedding & baby industrial complex.

Couples who are just starting out need registries, everyone else should just get an optional thoughtful gift (or similar) from friends.

@ Erp: Totally agree. The day is stressful enough without all the gift BS. We just wanted everyone to have a good time and not resent us in the slightest.

As everyone has mentioned, you don't need to spend a ton of money to have a fun wedding.

The cars are made largely from stolen bikes, and fueled entirely by Sarah Mirk's tears.

18
I like to cook my asparagus in the oven. In parchment paper w/some olive oil. It's awesome!

Someday I will take all of blogtown on a ride in my stolen bike tear mobile.
19
Goodwill bins. Cures all wedding gift ills.
20
To the people who don't believe in giving gifts: your grandmother would be ashamed of you! It doesn't matter what the recipients have, the fact of the matter is that you are invited to share in someone's wedding day, and therefore you give a gift. If you are truly poor and single, I am sure they're not expecting a place setting of china from you. But at the very least, get them or make them something. A homemade book to store their favorite recipes in, a set of Christmas pillowcases for their first Christmas together, or a gift certificate for a dinner out... all of these are common courtesy showing the couple that you wish them well in their married life and to thank you for inviting you to share their special day with them.
Trust me, they don't have to invite you. Most couples are trying to cut down their list. If they invite you, it's most likely because they actually like you and want you to be a part of their wedding day. It's rude to not respect that by at least giving a token gift.
21
Sigh. There is no right way to plan a fucking wedding these days.

I am taking the plunge this Saturday. I really hope none of our guests feels this level of animosity towards us or our registry.
22
Our registry was for a trip. We already lived together so we didn't want more shit. Still got some gifts, but people thought it was a great idea. We broke it down so you could literally give us $20 cash and we'd be stoked.

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