Good Morning News!

Comments

1
God took Randy Macho Man savage. The Rapture is beginning. Have fun in Hell sinners!
2
Heaven can't wait.

The Onion often does a better job of news reporting than what is passed off as journalism these days.
3
You're right, Bobby, Jesus lifted one human at random up to Heaven to see if humankind was worth saving. Unfortunately, it was Randy Savage. WE'RE ALL DOOMED!
4
Uhm...assholes go to heaven, where you can´t have sex (not that you had it going on sex machine), the booze and loud music stays on earth, along most of hot chicks and science fiction writers...

If I was ever in the list, for some bizarre reason, like saving cats, please take me off your list you bunch of ass stains.
5
...just making sure. If I start to levitate on Saturday I´ll grab myself really hard to something and wait for it to end.
6
Is there a website that just has people's reactions to Onion articles they think are real!? They should!
7
Lest you doubt that The Onion is as good if not better than most other news organizations out there, take a look at this prediction looking ahead at the Bush II years:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/bush-our-…
8
Letting marijuana users carry concealed weapons seems unnecessary when they can always just enter hyperspeed and tear their adversaries to bits with a roachclip.
9
That's nothing. We spend $8 billion on one wing of a fighter jet that goes and drops bombs on children. COME ON!