I can't wait for Portland bike hipsters to (ironically, of course) have Erectile Dysfunction.

Hey New York Times, I've as much penis inside yo momma's body...

bike cop vs. boat cop - who ya got?

Another reason not to ride a bike. Now I can scream "limp dicks" at the cyclists and know I am likely right!

key takeaway DON'T SIT ON YOUR DICK!

Movie Trivia: Unlike Bike Cop, Boat Cop's penis extends inwards nearly four times as far as it does outwards.

Further note: The outward portion is still twice as large as yours.

Solve for wiener.

"The Rigiscan ("a machine the men wear at night that grabs the penis about every 15 seconds to see if it’s erect")."

Interestingly enough, I find that if my wife grabs my penis every 15 seconds, I will be erect 100% of the time.

And I love how bike stores are nixing it, because "it screams I’ve got a problem." Change is hard.

Yes, interesting, Dave J., and I also find that if your wife grabs my penis every 15 seconds... (sorry, obvious joke is obvious).

"There's as much penis inside...as outside..." I suppose this proves, if nothing else, that women who orgasm during heterosexual intercourse are always going off half-cocked.

How did "solve for wiener" NOT win COTW?

Hehe...solve for wiener...AND YOU THREW IN A TINY DICK JOKE.

Best ever.