Comments

1
I'm not a parent, but I have a nephew. So I feel like I qualify to enter this contest:

Mommy and Daddy
Want to Get Crunk and Wasted
Go to Fucking Sleep
2
Hey stroller lady
I know you have a kid but
There's no crosswalk there
3
Baby in dumpster
Abstinence only sex-ed
Baby in dumpster
4
Me my baby me
me me me my baby me
my baby me me
5
No boobs for me now
Because you're a selfish jerk
Who bogarts the tits
6
yes of course you were
sent by God yes baby He
made the condom break
7
Sometimes when you cry
I wish that I'd been sober
And pulled out in time
8
And because someday he'll probably find this and add it to a pile of resentments that have most likely already started to lead up to expensive therapy, I'd like to add:

When you get older
Please don't hate your stupid Dad
Who wanted to win

9
god damnit, get down
off of the mother fucking
refrigerator
10
rain softly falls
inside, screaming and wreckage
toys scattered everywhere
11
I'm not a parent
This is what I imagine:
poop poop vomit poop

Lots more years of poop
Growing up, start to break shit
Like, expensive shit

Ages five to eight
I think they do some cute stuff
Before the hormones

Then it's hell again
"MOM, I HATE YOUR FUCKING GUTS"
"I LOVE MY DAD MORE"

"Oh, and by the way,
I wrecked your car yesterday
But, yay, I'm not hurt!"

Then, away to school
Out of state? Four times the cost!
It's a mixed blessing

Lastly, adulthood.
A phone call every six months?
They have their own lives.

In spite of all this
When I see a cute baby
My ovaries scream:

SEMEN! IN ME NAO!
WE MUST PRO-CREATE POST HASTE!
Too many humans?

Fuck it! I'm special!
MY genes are worth passing on.
Seven or eight times.

Finally, I'm done.
This was really way too long.
But I had some fun.

:-)

12
God Bless My Children
Without Social Security
They Are What Remains
13
Yes, you can become
anything you want. (No, not
a Republican.)
14
I'm torn between posts 5 & 7 FTW.
15
Patrick wins for #7. Sorry, I know it seems conflict-of-interest-y, but I just can't bring myself to care, that's FUNNY.
16
You can be torn between two posts if that's what you want, ujfoyt. It's a bit "Game of Thrones" but it can be arranged.
17
You can't make a Haiku in english. it doesn't' make sense. it's full of fuck.
18
How is it conflict of interest-y? PAC one with high quality hilarity.
19
one = won

I blame the white russian I'm about to consume.
20
#5. bogarting babies.

Please wait...

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