My level of amusement declined rapidly after "(A 33% increase in G)" - there are so many legitimately funny ways to go after Apple, and, Christ Almighty, Apple product announcements, but much of what you wrote would be better suited for the Gizmodo comment section.

Speaking of which, here's a recent Gizmodo article about how quietly successful the Apple TV has been. 1.3 million sold in the last quarter, so your only off by a little bit. Who knows how that ranks with the other Digital Internets TV Streaming Boxes on the market, but I bet pretty well, especially considering that it's an inferior product.…

I bring this up not because I like to teabag Apple, but because as a journalist writing on a newspaper's blog, your satire oughtn't be based on invented facts.
While I'm editing that statistic, I will also correct the amount of money God has, which I also invented for my satirical satire news blog post.

Feel free to post a link to this story on Gizmodo's comments. I don't have an account.
Since I own an iPhone 4S, my penis just shrank.
Sent from my Android device.

My level of amusement declined five words into your comment.
LOOOL ahhh this made me laugh
God is impossible, but that hasn't stopped his social network. Surely Ping has a chance.
Apple users are soooo touchy! It seems to equate with the easy way folks are incited to road rage, " it's all about me , don't try to merge, but let me into your lane because I drive an over-priced car. Signals? I don't need no stinking signals..." I would think that iPhone uses would want a choice in screen sizes but.... Thanks for taking the chance to poke a bit of fun at the illuminati of the phone world. Check under your car, and in the backseat, and under the hood, (well you get the point), before you drive home tonight...
PS My car dealer has an adapter for the new connector, however, it's going to require a whole new console for my daughter's iPhone to fit properly. I think I'll take the cost out of her allowance ...
Yeah. The 33% of G was funny.
Wow what crap. Given that all you ever managed to do was make up numbers supposedly in the context of satire, you have an inflated ego. I wonder if you could given get 1.3 million hits in your career, pssst, that is the actual number of Apple Tv sold in the past quarter as noted previously. Which would have a retail value of ~$130,000,000 or more than the value of the rag you write for; so yeah that is insignificant.
I will preview the next column by Alex Falcone:
The author some how thought he was clever and "ha-ha" cool funny, but some how he wasn't. :-)
I like your attempt at humor (very much). If you were wittier the article had big potential.

I love Apple products, but they need a "wake up" call. For the last (almost 2 years) they seem to have been abit behind others for the latest and greatest features for their products. I have yet to talk to anybody who wishes for a smaller iPad. Make it bigger, not smaller!

I'm going to be buying the iPhone 5 (though) because of my loyalty to them as a brand, but my loyalty is waning because of the continual "over hype" and "non delivery" of "cutting edge" features. I truly am tired of disappointment with them. This approach is the exact marketing B.S. of the current government administration with the false "hope and change."

Life is way too short to deal with marketing B.S. and disappointment from those who we have provided support.

Micro-USB wasn't even announced until 2007...
Note the continued use of rounded corners, something Apple invented and received a patent for several years ago ----- another DUMB patent, how in the world they got away with that, no they did not invented that. screw patent laws.
That was some lame trolling.
Wow, reading the comments, I'm amazed at some people's lack of sense of humor. Alex Falcone, this article is very funny, I enjoyed it. To all bashers in the comments, nothing is off limits of satire, not even Apple, despite the fact that they apparently made more money than god in the last quarter.
Not sure how this ended up on the front page of Google Finance, but I appreciated the humor... unlike some people.
This made my day. Thank you.
It's amazing that so many apple fans can't see the humor in this article (I'm sure they could do SOOO much better!) Great fun - I enjoyed it immensely!
I never laugh. I laughed out loud.
I believe Apple takes advantage of their consumer base by releasing editions/features step-by-step in dumbed-down product cycles to ensure new sales for the following series, rather than giving their consumers the best product they can make. It's like Apple farms it's $ on lemmings.
It's physically impossible to be more obnoxious than a rabid, defensive Apple fan. Fans should remember the company makes products to enhance one's life; these tools shouldn't be a stand in for one's life. Get out from behind your iPad, take out your earbuds and make a few friends away from the Genius Bar - it will be magical. I promise.
This is funniest and dumbest article I came across. God save you.
Nicely done. Reminds me of Conan's take on 'Apple's next big thing.'
ALEX FALCONE - is because of people like you that the market is in such a disarray divergence all of the time. Find yourself a real job like the rest if us. You'll be a happier man!
This just in.... small time blogger and journalist from 29th largest city in United States lambastes most valuable company in the world for, uh, being good at marketing?
Omg lighten up people it was funny. Why do you take things so personal all the time. I phone 5 will change the world like Obama will stop spending money.
Awesome funny and on the mark in more ways than (`) fan-boys would agree.
How will Germany outlawing circumcisions affect rounded edges?
LOL .. this is a fun read. So are the comments of some apple lovers here. How dare you comments on apple just a day before their annual celebration of inventive patenting.
I'm always tempted to drink the kool-aid, but this reminds me why I don't have an iPhone. The concept of the iPhone was revolutionary. But Apple hasn't done a whole lot to the phone since the revolution. ONE feature that prevents me from taking the leap? The cable. Plus I don't want to risk losing my sense of humor.
"No, it won't be micro USB, the connector that every other phone in the world has used for almost a decade..."

Orly every other phone in the world has used a single connector for the past decade? I personally have a box full of phone chargers accumulated over the last decade and it has at least 20 different types of unique connectors. Why does it seem like they create a new "standard" connector every year, when Apple has used the same connector for more than a decade?
I find it humorous to see everyone BUT Apple announcing what will be in the new phone. No one has seen it, no one knows and Apple has NEVER allowed "journalists a preview. You raise the expectations of customers who could be disappointed from learning reality, drive the stock down thru rumors, and damage your credibility...yet in reality, you know nothing except for what's on the other rumor sites!
I love this article... and its satire nails Apple right on the head. "since apple invented rounded corners..." lol. Please keep it coming.
Hey Humored and Rick Francis,

This Alex Falcone post just got on the top of Google's Business page. That's hilarious. Let's see some of YOUR humor instead of rampant negative attacks. You two need to get out more and enjoy life.

I personally most enjoyed the slightly larger i4S standing in for the i5. Even my 4S laughed.
I liked apple SOOOO much better when it wasn't popular. It was like I had this wonderful secret while everyone else was cursing their PC's for frying. Now all I hear is bad mouthing and "oh Apple is not so special" blah blah blah. Like to be cool you must bash Apple. Boring!
I heard a rumor that Apple isn't going to call this one the iPhone 5... but rather the iPhone 4T
I'll tickle myself! Haha!!!!
"They invented 4G"? Who are they? Apple? What a lie.
If you have an iPhone 5, why do you need a computer?
The first half of the article was well done, felt like you were stretching a bit towards the end though. Overall a solid B for effort. :)
This post is still the top story on Google Finance. Is this was an intentional maneuver by Google to attack their smart phone rivals? Discuss!
Funny article...i enjoyed it...and the apple fans just seem to think and look at things ONE way...the APPLE imagination
This is great and true. I know Apple fans out there believe that they have a superior product, which I have to agree on some level on; but even the most hardcore of fans cannot deny the truth behind your post.
This might have been amusing as a conversation between a two annoyingly obsessive android/apple enthusiasts, but not as an article. The lack of professionalism is disturbing, and some of the authors comments are almost offensive (God?). Might have been more entertaining if it wasn't so obvious the writer had a tremendous hate for Apple. Some points were true, and thus funny, but for the most part it was just the rambling of an avid, annoyingly sarcastic anti-Apple activist. The company is innovative and successful, which I guess are the two main ingredients necessary to rile up a certain group of people that some classify as "haters".
You missed the all important word - "Stunning"! It's actually true - the apple fanboys brain get stunned.
The only thing "Apple" I own is their stock, so I'm glad they are really good at telling everyone how really good they are. Very funny piece! It made me laugh...
So much tits for tats in a satire and it's for the fun of it.
Apple guy for 20 years now and just got my first iPhone 2 months ago. Gotta say it works...just like their other stuff. Still, thought the article was really the crazy sarcasm, especially the graph. Too funny!
Well regardless of how much you like or dis the satire. It made top headline on Google there a connection?
I'll keep buying iPhones if only to annoy the kind of people that use terms like "sheeple" to describe someone buying a popular cell phone.
I have a feeling google was just slanting the article based on your IP address or search history, it wasn't even on the first couple pages when I looked.
I think my IQ just went down 25pts reading this article and all the non-sense posts in it...
Humpy - are you sure that was your "amusement"?
Did this article serve any purpose whatsoever ? If you thought you were being some kind f a WIT, you were Half Right ! Perhaps you could think of something rational to say next time. Or, you might even consider trying to say something that might even be useful.
Apple is making a phone? Cool!
Lighten up, Francis.

It was funny. 33% increase in G... heehee.
In a few hours we will know. But if the rumors are true that they have a new connector---please no! I do not need another cable sitting around the house! USB--regular, mini and micro are now the standard and Apple refuses to accept that fact!
those headphones look like beeker the muppet.
Siri shrugged.
And also, I feel so put in my place by Aestro:

"I'll keep buying iPhones if only to annoy the kind of people that use terms like "sheeple" to describe someone buying a popular cell phone."

Please wait...

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