So the cardinals elected a pope who opposes abortion, gay marriage, and the use of contraception; otherwise known as an orthodox Catholic.

They weren't going to elect Rachel Maddow as the next pope. (But they should have.) If there's anything "good" to be found in Bergoglio selection, it's that he has shown empathy towards those often marginalized by conservative churchmen. He chastised clergy who refused to baptize the children of single mothers. He washed the feet of twelve AIDS patients at a hospice in Argentina. He has spoken out against income inequality and in favor of social justice. Plus, he has shunned the ostentatious trappings of being a member of the church hierarchy--using public transportation, living in an apartment and not a palace, and cooking for himself.

But yes, his views on marriage equality and people of different sexual orientations are reprehensible.

Let him have one day in office before you drive a steak through his heart? Or a shank? (Rib, I.)

Spot on Süpër Chüñdy! If he didn't believe those things, they would not have elected him pope. How retarded you must be to think otherwise! Hey Dominic, I hope you bash Islamic leaders for a lot of the same beliefs?

APPARENTLY HE LIKES THE POORS, THOUGH. EWW.

I just learned more about this new pope from Super Chundy. I don't really need a run-down of unpopular positions of the Catholic hierarchy. Who is this dude? What is he all about? This article could try a bit harder.