Thanks for the great laugh - had no idea it took so many people to write a lame pop song which I thankfully have never heard. And yes, it's all been done - you just have to keep doing it better!

Thanks, @Victoria! You're too nice. You don't belong here.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO BACK TO WRITING JOKES ABOUT GETTING MARRIED. SEEMS LIKE THERE'S A LOT OF GROUND LEFT TO COVER THERE.

I'm sure there's a joke somewhere in the above, Alex.

Walken on Sunshine?

Like you're the first one to come up with the "everything has already been done, just give up" idea. It's been done. The fault lies in your own lack of imagination. That shit Ben Franklin invented was hard back when he invented it. The only reason you think it's easy now is because he invented it hundreds of years ago. And as lame as they are, those "songwriters" still each have 1/7 of a song on you.

I can vouch for Franklin being an amazing lover. He boned my great great great great great grandmother, and I'm still feeling pretty satisfied.

@coolestboyintheworld - That's the best comment anybody's ever posted on any of my columns.