Comments

1
I'll do it but only if I can be on peyote.
2
Oh for fucks sake, we gotta pay actors better so they don't have to take crap like this.
But yeah, maybe Dirk should review this.

"Oh, but it's a TRUE STORY!"
3
Frankie: Are you suggesting I'd be unduly impressed by those apocryphal real life origins? Unlikely. More like by the fact this fucking kid IS WISE BEYOND HIS YEARS BECAUSE HE WAS IN HEAVEN AND HE'S PROBABLY TALKED TO ALL OF OUR GRANDPARENTS AND SEEN US DO A BUNCH OF DEPRAVED SHIT IN PRIVATE.

I won't even give you guys the satisfaction of reviewing this. I'll pay my own money and see it at the Regal.
4
This is an obvious ripoff of my unproduced screenplay "Heaven Is For Sale," about Jay Hovah, His gambling debts, and the division of His compound (aka "The Universe") into condominium developments, strip malls, and at least two mobile home parks. Trying to get Bruce Willis interested.
5
Suggested reading if you're secretly afraid you'll believe Colton Burpo by the end:

http://www.themillions.com/2013/10/too-many-heavens.html
6
Does Zak Penington still review movies for you? Make him do it. He'd obviously love it.
7
I'd do it. Reasons why:

1. I am an unabashed Greg Kinnear fan. Love him. For reals.

2. I have absolutely no reservations making fun of children. They're just punch lines that ask a lot of inane questions.

3. I have a hunch that this movie will lend itself to truly eye-opening Cold War allegories that will make for some top-notch reviewing.

Please wait...

and remember to be decent to everyone
all of the time.

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