Dear Coffee Hipster Nazi


So, wait, now pirates and circus folk are hipsters?
You had me until "advise"
From now on, I propose that instead of the word "hipster" we use "douchebag" .
This IA is clearly enamored with himself and everything he has to say.

"[H]ow is this different from you talking with your friend next to you?"

This is subtle, IA, so pay attention. When you're talking to the person next to you, the two of you are part of the same milieu as the others around you. When you're talking on your phone, you've partially removed yourself from this milieu. The human mind simply isn't capable of being two places at once. So the instant you start talking on the phone, you're partially tuning out your immediate surroundings, likely missing important visual and audible social cues. We've all seen well-intentioned but oblivious cell phone talkers being too loud, blocking aisles at the grocery store, holding up the line at coffee shops, etc.

This is the precise reason talking on a phone while driving (even with hands-free) is vastly more dangerous than talking to your passenger.

Yep, it's 2011. The polite thing to do is step outside for those important calls, or wait until you're not around others for less important calls.

If you still don't get it, watch this:
"1. Stop assuming you know anything about the strangers around you."

"I understand that you think someone is only cool if they wear turn of the century Circus Costumes or Pirate Suits."

I'm confused, can there be two types of douchebag?
I was having a hard time articulating just why I thought I,A was a self-obsessed asshat. But you did for me. Thank you Steve R.
We definitely should have had a poll on this one.
Oh Lord, everything Steve R said.

Also, I'm taking bets that IA actually is a regular cell-phone-in-public person that does talk too loud and frequently interrupts the daily lives of others.
Steve R for COTW


Message to specific yuppie customer at haute couture shop, who does indeed work there, who I lectured about when and where you are allowed to talk on a cell phone:

Go to sleep, it is 2011, not 1898. I cant understand why you think someone is only cool if they wear modern Circus Costumes or Pirate Suits. But please, stop judging everyone around you by appearances. Just because I look like a Dandy and not a mismatched ugly suit, doesn't mean that I am caught up in greed, disrespectful, and a menace to your misguided sense of slavery.

As long as I am wasting someone else's time, or talking in a low voice and not disturbing people, how is this different from you talking with your friend next to you?
just wondering.

Oh and by the way, the people who you were attacking at the coffee shop with your lovemonger comments about my supposed whimpiness, are my friends. I see them daily, and they think you are a rock star.

Next time I feel entitled to call someone out, to risk my reputation as a social ladder climber, make sure I'm handed the facts straight. The actual lie? Regardless of your opinion on the matter- they WERE NOT offended. So I must have done something wrong. Their shop... Their rules- not to be commented on by a passing hall monitor on social ethics or a weekend warrior in benevolence at worst.

Now... for a piece of advise: Here is your path toward the altruism that you preach but have no foundation of practice:

1. Stop assuming you know anything about the strangers around you. The person who you are judging could be devoting their life to starving the homeless. They could have had an extraterrestrial contact. They could be the very person that I would push in front of a car to save my life.

2. Don't always assume the best about people.

4. Examine only the thing that you have control over: YOURSELF!
Before you folks make anymore judgments, maybe we should find out what advise number 3 is. It could be something that might not make you think the author is an asshat who doesn't realize that obviously the workers at the coffee shop would take his side since he is a regular customer and don't want to lose business.
Steve R says it really well, but I respectfully disagree. I propose that if someone is careful to stay out of people's way, and keeping their voice low, then no one should really mind whether they're staying in their milieu or not. I don't get angry at people reading books or concentrating on their laptops. And they are pretty darn oblivious to the important social cues I'm sending them.

And of course, if on the other hand, they are milling around while on the phone, getting in people's way, speaking loudly, etc, feel free to give them a kick in the arse.
Steve R. wrote "The human mind simply isn't capable of being two places at once."

That can't be true, since at all times at least a small portion of my mind is in Victoria Abril's underwear.
Also, I agree with Dash.
Talking while in line is tacky and annoying. Certain coffee shops have signs asking patrons not to do it. Talking on a cell phone in restaurants is annoying. Also please refrain from talking on a cell phone on the MAX or basically anywhere else where bystanders have no choice but to be distracted by your one-sided conversation, which with its abrupt stops and starts is much, much more difficult to tune out that the standard, two-party conversation the human ear is used to.

And don't even get me started on talking on the phone while in the grocery store. "I'm looking at the salad dressing right now... I don't know. They have balsamic vinaigrette, roasted red pepper, green goddess.... It's got chives and stuff it looks really good... I don't know yeah. Should we just do oil and vinegar? " You deserve to be bludgeoned mercilessly. Asshat.
personally, I prefer to make rude comments about cell phone users when they can't hear it, like either after they leave or I leave. It's much better sport.

Now, Mr. Cell Phone User, I'm glad you've had your say about someone you considered rude. Consider, however, that your behavior was intrusive. Feel free to believe you're right that it's ok and, at the same time, be a big man and tone it down.
What Steve R. said...and I'll add that the irony of the IA writer is that they are clearly feeling strongly about their right to have this conversation, but can't seem to understand the premise of "rights". I equate it with smoking...sure you have a right to smoke, but when your rights get in my space, they become a part of my experience. I want the option of what my experience will be, thank you.
Dash- people reading books and on laptops contain their sound, I assume. So, not the same.
And yes, POLL!
Using your mobile is a bit rude in public settings. Texting is okay if you're not interacting with someone else ( e.g. ordering tea, paying for stuff @ a check out, etc.)

Driving /riding (a bike, etc.) while using mobile is never safe to do. Pay attention to the road!
Dear random stranger who crossed me in public:

You did/said something to me and/or in general that really annoyed me. However, since i am far too much of a coward to actually engage you DIRECTLY, and at the same time far too petty and thin-skinned to let small trite transgressions slide, i have decided the best method to changing your obviously bad behavior was to go home and write this chicken-shit rant about you on-line... but without actually addressing you in any direct fashion. I am hoping that you will read this and somehow put two and two together and figure out that i am referring to you. This is my way of dealing with things.
:sirens: Godwin alert Godwin alert Godwin alert. No one panic. There aren't any actual Nazis here.
Re. the term "hipster": I propose we call anyone wearing any kind of costume in public -- be it a pirate suit, clown suit, business suit, Santa suit, ironic facial hair, or skinny jeans and chunky glasses -- a "dipster."

(Get it? It's a portmanteau of "dipshit" and "hipster.") Seriously, if you're not Keith Richards, can it with the pirate act.

No, I take it back. Even if you are Keith Richards, enough already.
Next rude fuck I see talking or texting on their phone while in a line, I will pull said phone out of their hand, throw it on the ground and stomp it to bits.
Fucking pathetic that people be off their phones long enough to do their grocery shopping, buy a cup of coffee, etc. There is absolutely NO good reason to ever be on your phone in public, except making a 911 call for an emergency.
And of course this person's friends don't think he is rude, because they probably do the same thing to him, talk on their phone instead paying attention to the people they are with.
My friends have asked me why I don't go out much anymore. I told them because most of them spend more than half their time texting on their phones they paying attention to the people they are with.
It's interesting how cellphones have been around for a long time now, but manners haven't caught up with them.

In general, it is rude to make a captive audience listen to one side of your phone conversation, this includes the bus or MAX.

It is very rude to answer your phone, or text, or check a website, if you are engaged in any activity with another person. I.e. sharing a coffee, meal, or even just a basic conversation. I don't even answer my work phone if a colleague is in my office having a conversation. That is what voicemail is for.

If you have your phone on at a movie, performance, speech, library or any such place, you deserve to burn forever in hell.

If they ever legalize the use of cellphones on airplanes I WILL end up committing murder.

Dash, talking on a phone is in no way comparable to reading a book or working on a laptop for reasons obvious to everyone but you apparently.
Dear luckybulldog13pdx/self-diluted badass,

I would literally pay $10 to watch you pull a cell phone out of some random person's hand, throw it on the ground, and smash it to bits!
"Deluded," fucktard.
Actually, it really is spelled 'DILUTED'.

Who's the 'fucktard' now, DumbasS?
DamosA - do yourself a favor and look up both the words diluted and deluded and then tell us who the dumbass is, OK?
Hey, dipshit. Figure out how to Google words yet?
I agree, Blabby, that people's manners have not caught up with technology, in cell phone usage or online.

I also agree that under many circumstances using a cell phone in the company of others is rude. Definitely if you are in line. God forbid in a theater or performance. I'd hate the people on the plane too if that were allowed, I can't even stand people who spend an entire trip talking to each other.

I just believe a gray area exists. I feel it should be possible for us to be conscious and respectful of our neighbors but still use a phone indoors on occasion. If I am alone in a coffee shop and the person sitting alone at the table next to me takes or makes a phone call in a moderately quiet voice, I don't personally have a problem with it. It makes no difference to me if I am hearing both sides of the conversation or one side, because it's none of my business anyway. I admit there are times when I might be annoyed that I have to listen to anyone's conversation at all- but I choose not to differentiate between the sound of two voices versus one, because I feel there is a discrepancy in that logic.
There are actually TWO different words - 'deluted' and 'diluted'. I simply used the word that was most appropriate for the context of my comment, HELLO! Do YOU know how to google?

Deluted isn't even a word!

Oh my god, I love you to death!
Well apparently, 'google' isn't a word either, according to Firefox. And you see that everywhere.

I know for a fact i'm right on this. deluted is at least as much a word as google!
Hey DamosA, someone who is self deluded is the same as someone who is self delusional. You know what delusional means, right? To dilute something usually means to water it down. I dilute my scotch with just a teensy drop of water. See how nice that is ;)
@19 DamosA, once again I find myself both shocked and perplexed that I agree with you. Stranger things have happened I s'pose.

@20 tcraighenry, speak for yourself, madam or sir.

@21 steve r, You had a good point but Keith Richards can do whatever the fuck he wants.
Dammit! The person who uses a White Power symbol for his/her avatar is AGREEING with me! I must be slippin'.
Free Mumia? Ill have one
Who gives a shit? everyone falls in the end. Everyone.
You're just deluted, Leaky.