Next time call me, I'll give him a vasectomy with a sharpened hot wing.

I wish Fire on the Mountain had fried pickle slices instead of spears. It's too much pickle.

Grandmaster Slip 'n Slide would be an awesome name for an all female band.

I like how you started out complaining about bad parenting but managed to make the whole thing about YOU in the last few lines. Masterfully done, but while you're mentioning that you're not a nanny, you should also announce that you "didn't come here to make friends!" More efficient.

8 f-bombs. You need the d.

It happens to all of us who eat supper there at one time or another, concentrate more on the man than on the whining need for everything or I'll go in a tantrum kid.

"I went to Buffalo Wild Wings and expected the clientele to be sophisticated and responsible."

My mother used to leave me and my brother in the car while she shopped at Fred Meyer. Pretend you are fishing, she would say. We had a blast!

I'm not down with the subtle classism, oh wait it wasn't that subtle.