Some people order black coffee so that they can add the cream themselves.

Oh my god, that must be so inconvenient for you. So sorry to hear of your troubles. Sending my prayers.

Now, they're trying to gentrify your coffee by adding cream and sugar.

Looks like Predators aren't the only drones we need to worry about.

If you're a regular, they should know the score. Certainly not earth-shattering, but slightly annoying nevertheless.

Although you sound like a whining bitch, I agree that ordering a black coffee means you don't use cream. Maybe it's something old folks used to say. Maybe you should be more specific. Try something like: "may I please have a cup of coffee filled to the brim as I don't use either cream or sugar?" Kids these days need it spelled out for them.

Make it a game, IAnon. Say, yes, I would like some room for cream so only fill it to about 2 angstroms from the top!

I'anon, paste an eye in the middle of your forehead so you can be sure to be remembered.

My favorite line from the 2013 white house correspondents dinner:

After the election, Paul Ryan said President Obama was reelected because of the high turnout of urban voters. Then, when asked how he liked his coffee, Ryan said "no cream, no sugar, just urban".

Nobody ever asked you if you wanted CREAM. The ROOM is value added benefit; for the STORE. Accept it in lieu of leaving a tip.

Here's another one, IAnon. When your coffee person asks if you want room for cream, break out a vintage Aiwa cassette boombox, say not thanks, and blast some Wu Tang. Dolla dolla bill y'all.

Ask for it "on the side" and slowly but surely, you will be able to open a "creamer only" food cart with a fantastic margin. A win/win and you're welcome.

When asked, I reply "Yes, I'd like an adjacent room to add cream at my leisure, key please!"

Note - only works when there's a Cream Room. With luck you might also be able to torch a cigar in a recliner there - albeit lots of luck.

DO YOU WANT FRIES WITH THAT?

Maybe try saying something to them about it. If nothing else they will remember you as that asshole who likes his coffee black and has high expectations of counter staff. People with listening and thinking skills can often find better work. Low end service jobs aren't usually staffed by thinkers so you get repetition and scripted interactions. It's the price we pay for cheap coffee. You know what else you could do. Brew it at home and save money and lower your blood pressure, or ya know stew about it. Your choice.

You could EASILY be writing to me.

Autopilot questions usually help customers get what they want with the least complication possible.

I have learned to ask those stupid questions to problem solve men who say black coffee but then tell me to pour a quarter of it down the drain because they wanted skim milk, while calling me Miss Pretty and simultaneously talking on their cellphone. Also: teens who have never ordered coffee before, and regulars who make Starbucks orders, despite the mutual knowledge that we are not a Starbucks.

It's not personal, I promise. It's just like - it's just my job to make sure customers get what they want, and it turns out a lot of people don't verbalize what they want. And people can be really mean when they don't get what they want. So unfortunately, autopilot happens to minimize complications about things being sugar-free, the definition of "tall," and if you were imagining your mocha hot or cold.

It might sound SO STUPID to you, but when you have had enough "Oh I wanted drizzle on this." "Make sure there's whip! THAT'S WHY I GOT IT SUGAR FREE AND FAT FREE, IT BALANCES OUT." "Why is there foam on this?? I HATE FOAM." and "I wanted that blended, it has to be blended. Can't you just throw it in the blender?" all while 5 more drink orders have come in, you just make a habit of protecting yourself from misunderstandings.

Honestly: I'm sorry if I'm the person, especially if you're a regular. The next time you come in, PLEASE CHAT WITH ME about this subject! I will know it's you if you say, "So, I've noticed that every time I order black coffee, you still ask if I want room. Why is that?" After engaging in an inquisitive, humorous, and kind yet awkward conversation with you, I will never forget that for you, Anonymous, Black Means Black.

^Looks like someone is destined for a career at Starbucks. Go get 'em Pope!!!!