ICYMI: The Bundy Bros. are pleading not guilty to conspiracy charges following the standoff in the Malheur Wildlife Refuge, even though all signs point to, um, HELL OF FUCKING GUILTY. Our own Wm.™ Steven Humphrey has some words for these fellows.
Moving: Right 2 Dream Too. "Commissioner Amanda Fritz, who's led the process of finding R2DToo a new site, had an interesting slip of the tongue early on in the hearing, when she said she'd been working on the issue since 'February 1913,'" writes news editor Dirk VanderHart in his coverage of the decision. "She actually meant February 19, 2013, but the point amounted to the same: It's been a long process finding the camp a new plot of land."
Closing: The Sellwood Bridge, but not before KATU could consult our own Joe Streckert for some tales from its storied past.
Today, in Twin Peaks: Police in Forest Grove are urging residents to stop calling 911 about "a high-pitched whistling noise," after being inundated with calls.
EAT MORE COOKIES: Oh cool, a bishop in St. Louis is urging Catholics to sever ties with the Girl Scouts, because the purveyor of cookies and self-esteem is allegedly supportive of "transgender rights, homosexuality and other stances at odds with Catholic values," per the New York Times. Well, I certainly hope so!
The last time someone tried to boycott the 'Scouts, it was the anti-choice movement spewing nonsense about how Do-Si-Dos pay for abortions or whatever the fuck. Obviously this didn't work, because, can't hear you through my own loud chewing of Thin Mints.
A great argument for single-sex education: Hillary Clinton says that going to a women's college prepared her to run for the presidency, because at Wellesley, "women were in charge of everything." Did attend Wellesley's more left-wing sister! Can confirm!
HAHA LOL WHY: The Verge takes a deep dive into Facebook's new reaction emoji options: "'Everyone's had one of these posts in News Feed where they're like, I want to respond in some way, but 'like' doesn't feel appropriate at all,' says Tom Alison, director of engineering for the News Feed." AND YET THERE STILL IS NO DISLIKE OPTION. DO BETTER, TOM ALISON.
Today, in way better uses for technology: The Library of Congress has digitized its Rosa Parks papers, and they're free to access.
For reasons I couldn't possibly try to understand, there's another GOP debate tonight. Fake moderate John "Women and Kitchens" Kasich is getting pressure from the GOP to drop out of the race. Meanwhile, Melania "Mrs. Donald" Trump has a donation record... with Hillary Clinton. And here's where I remind you that frontrunner Trump is an alleged rapist.
Speaking of unpleasant gatherings featuring Your 2016 GOP Presidential Candidates! Appearing at a Fox News town hall last night, Ted Cruz claimed that Planned Parenthood is a "national criminal enterprise committing multiple felonies," and, among an election season of pegacorn campaign promises, said that if he becomes our next president, he'll pardon David Daleiden, ACTUAL FELON and fabulist, who made those wacky babyparts harvesting accusation videos smearing the organization that has likely provided health care to most of the women you know. Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders are over here talking about health care access and tackling systemic inequality like goddamn adults, but you do you, Ted!
Here's Adele, using her speech at the Brit awards to voice support for Kesha, because if there's been one shiny affirmation of hope for humanity this horrible week, it's that lady pop stars know how to stand up for their own. I wouldn't let you go out on Ted Cruz. Adele for president! Good morning!