JONATHAN.
JONATHAN. Lesekreis via Wikimedia Commons

Sponsored
FANTASY: Indulging Local Debauchery since 1989
Support local retail and local artists when you shop at FANTASY for the holidays.

Here's a real thing author Jonathan Franzen said in an interview at Slate:

UhftPgHq.jpg

Here are the various stages I went through as I tried to parse this truly strange response to a question from an interviewer:

*screams*
WHAT THE FUCK JONATHAN FRANZEN—
what are you—
why—
in what universe is this an appropriate—
I mean did you actually just pivot to saying you've—
and then back to you—
I'm sorry, Jonathan Franzen—
I can't—
don't hate me—

There's enough bizarre unchecked white male cis hetero privilege tinged with racist sentiment here to briefly distract me from the Mad Max villain currently running for president, so there's that, I guess? Meanwhile, this is the best response I've seen to this trash, from Buzzfeed's wonderful Bim Adewunmi:


And:


Support The Portland Mercury

In conclusion, Jonathan Franzen is clueless and must be stopped.

Previously:
• Jonathan Franzen isn't a regular rich person, he's a cool rich person.
• I read Purity so you don't have to (and in case you're wondering, I still regret it, NEARLY A YEAR LATER).
• Jonathan Franzen's terrible sex writing.
• Jonathan Franzen misunderstands Twitter and also women.