No, not this photo... uplift_the_world / Shutterstock.com

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What's the retirement plan for the oldest profession? A moving comedy by the premier writer of our time.

THIS photo. Which, I guess isn't a photo. It's a heart attack courtesy of Photoshop.

You ought to read the piece this photo illustration accompanies, too. It's called "President Trump's First Term." Fascinating reporting and analysis by the New Yorker's Evan Osnos. The gist:

His victory is no longer the stuff of dark comedy or fan fiction. It is fair to ask: What would he actually be like as a President?

In other presidential news: It's time to refill your Xanax prescription because the first debate is Monday night.

How the hell is Clinton preparing for Trump's unpredictability? The Hill reports today:

Hillary Clinton knows there are different sides to Donald Trump’s personality. She is preparing for all of them.

In closed-door sessions, the Democratic presidential nominee is prepping for their first presidential debate on Monday against a few different people playing the role of Trump.

The role-playing games with different surrogates are “for his multiple personalities,” one Clinton confidant said of the controversial GOP nominee.

She'd better be working on some attack lines about the Trump Foundation, which unlike the Clinton Foundation (which makes AIDS drugs affordable for people in developing nations, etc.), seems to exist to do the very thing Trump accuses the Clintons of: self-enrichment.

In case you missed David A. Fahrenthold's reporting yesterday in the Washington Post (scooping the New York Times):

Donald Trump spent more than a quarter-million dollars from his charitable foundation to settle lawsuits that involved the billionaire’s for-profit businesses...

In one case, from 2007, Trump’s Mar-a-Lago Club faced $120,000 in unpaid fines from the town of Palm Beach, Fla., resulting from a dispute over the height of a flagpole.

In a settlement, Palm Beach agreed to waive those fines — if Trump’s club made a $100,000 donation to a specific charity for veterans. Instead, Trump sent a check from the Donald J. Trump Foundation, a charity funded almost entirely by other people’s money, according to tax records.

There are more stories like that here. As Jill Abramson notes, "It is only in the past week that the Post’s reporting on the Trump Foundation has gained traction."

But Trump may be immune to any criticism, any attacks from anyone, after what happened earlier today.

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A bunch of Christian clergy put their hands on him to "protect" him from a "concentrated Satanic attack." Watch:

Dear God.