So you're up late, and you're thinking, "Man, I need a condom and/or a hookah. But all the local condom and/or hookah stores are closed! MY LIFE IS OVER." Well, fear not because a new delivery service just arrived in town called goPuff, which promises to deliver super necessary products to your domicile within 30 minutes and for a delivery charge of only $1.95. According to the goPuff people, they have thousands of products in one centrally located site, so they can cut out the dreaded middle-man and get the thing of your dreams to you fast. Things like what? Things like this:
Ice cream, Speed Stick deodorant, Plan B, Gatorade, a bike lock, beef jerky, a toaster oven, tampons, rat traps, eggs, large-print word find books, almond milk, a 7-piece kitchen set, kitty litter, Quik chocolate drink, headphones, beer pong balls, the aforementioned condoms, the aforementioned hookah, and tons of other things that one might need desperately.*
According to their website, goPuff delivers as far south as Sellwood and as far north as St. Johns, and they call themselves "an on-demand delivery service application created by Millennials for Millennials"—so I guess it sucks to be you, anyone not born within the years 1982-2004. Despite that DUMB statement of purpose, this sounds like a pretty good service for those opposed to visiting Plaid Pantry at two in the morning, and pissed when they don't have a stainless steel whisk.
*most likely when high as a goddamn kite.