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I mean, yes. Obviously it is totally a coincidence. But still: Nintendo's long-awaited Super Mario Run finally came out this morning for the iPhone and iPad, and while it has its obnoxious drawbacks (does Nintendo even know how to release stuff anymore without obnoxious drawbacks?), it's definitely better than the other game you can play on your phone today, which is staring at the TriMet Twitter feed and wondering if you will be able to get to a supermarket before you die.

You will not, by the way. Days from now, your cats will feast on your corpse, ignoring the phone still clutched in your rigor-mortised hand. And as they gnaw on the blood-dried remnants of your nose, and as they claw at the hollowed-out ruins that were once your eyes, your iPhone's tinny speakers will continue to play the Super Mario Run theme, its saccharine melody echoing through your apartment, oblivious and hollow, until eventually the music, too, fades and dies.

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