Every tweet. Every goddamn tweet of his predicts a future lined with his own fuck-ups. He's like a time traveler failing to warn himself. pic.twitter.com/tXFsdSWrkD
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) May 15, 2017
So it turns out Donald Trump did not break the law by sharing classified information with the Russia (although how that's not illegal is beyond me). The Washington Post reported that the info was "so sensitive that details have been withheld from allies and tightly restricted even within the U.S. government." Unfortunately for us, our man-baby-in-chief "has broad authority to declassify government secrets, making it unlikely that his disclosures broke the law."
It's okay though: He'll definitely continue to fuck up, so there's still plenty of hope for impeachment. But then Pence will be president... What kind of horrible nightmare are we living in?
In other asshole millionaire news, Australian property mogul Tim Turner had Twitter up in arms yesterday for telling millennials they could afford to buy a home if they just stop buying avocado toast and coffee. (He apparently thinks avocado toast costs $19, so his math might be a little off.)
It's election day! And yesterday we reported a Portland landlord told his tenants to vote "no" on the $790 million schools bond up for consideration, threatening to raise rents if it passes. Rich people: stop telling us what to do.
Portland is looking for a new police chief. The job description says that applicants must be able to form and maintain strong relationships with minority communities, and prominently notes Portland's history of "legally sanctioned systemic racism with legally enforced exclusionary practices." The city is either trying to meaningfully improve the department or to quell all of the heat it's been receiving for the public. Fingers crossed it's the former.
In seriously disturbing news, an Estacada man walked into a grocery store covered in blood, holding a human head and eight inch knife, stabbing an employee before being apprehended by other employees. Not to bury the lede, but the head belonged to his mother, whom he decapitated on Mother's Day.
If this world is becoming too much for you (it is for me, especially recently) indulge yourself in all things otherworldly at the 18th annual UFO Festival, starting this Thursday at McMenamins' Hotel Oregon in McMinnville.