It went down like you knew it would: A day after choke-slamming a Guardian reporter because he was asked a question, Republican Greg Gianforte will be Montana's sole member in the US House. Part of the outcome has to do with the fact that many votes had been cast before the body slam.

His victory secured, Gianforte apologized for physically assaulting a person in full view of other reporters. He didn't mention that the statement his campaign put out directly after the incident appears, according to all available evidence, to be almost wholly false.

Well good: Police think they've nabbed the legend-level creep who was going around throwing semen on women. Yes, we all want to know why Manuel Banuelos-Alcala allegedly did this. But also: Was it his own semen or someone/something else's?

Here's a ridiculous debate that's playing out around the state pension fund: Should the board that oversees it assume a realistic rate of return from its investments, or should it continue to assume an artificially high return that papers over structural issues? There's an honest argument about this (here and in lots of other states).

A suspicious device, feared to be a bomb, shut down downtown Oregon City yesterday. Cops sent in a robot, and eventually determined everything was just fine. This never would have happened in the days of the Oregon Trail. Miss those days.

Wait, what? First the state said the University of Oregon and PSU couldn't hike tuition. Now it's flip-flopped.

NIMBYS OF THE WEEK: The Multnomah Village residents who do NOT want city zoning changes to allow residency options that aren't single family homes. A very realistic and level-headed approach in a rapidly growing city. Aoigewoigjqef.


Did you miss our story this week about Portland's first-ever mountain bike park? Then read it!

I'm guessing you haven't seen Kyron Horman lately, seven years after the boy disappeared from Skyline Elementary. But just in case, the FBI has new billboards out with what he might look like these days.

Here's your toddler president pushing the prime minister of Montenegro in order to get a better spot in a picture.

Perhaps he was irked that a federal appeals court ruled his terrible travel ban will remain on ice?

Or perhaps he's mad that leaks to the NYT about the investigation into the recent bombing in Manchester got him a rebuke from British Prime Minister Theresa May?

Or about news—long suspected, but now apparently official—that his stepson Jared Kushner is the high-level White House official whom the FBI has zeroed in on as part of its investigation into Russia's influence on Trump's campaign?

For real, though: I think he pushes the Montenegrin PM absent any of that. More on his first visit with NATO.

Is Uber's new-ish "upfront pricing" model screwing you over? Possibly. (Probably.)

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MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND. Squeeze every drop from it, like so many dirty dish sponges.