Originally posted on September 30, 2015.
I've been dating this guy for almost two months. It's been pretty good, except the sex isn't really the best. I have this other male friend who has had a crush on me. Long story short: My friend made a move on me the other night. I told him I couldn't, and he knew why, but to be honest, I was insanely turned on by his forwardness. He apologized, but a week later we hung out, and I told him that it really intrigued me, and we ended up having crazy cool sex—satisfying in all the ways the guy I'm dating isn't. I haven't told the guy I'm seeing about this and I don't plan to. But I feel guilty. I keep rationalizing that we have never had a talk about exclusivity, and I therefore have no obligation to him. I want to keep fucking my friend, but I also enjoy dating this other guy. Am I an asshole? Am I obligated to disclose that I'm not interested in monogamy with him?
Too Many Intrigues
My response after the jump...
Are you an asshole? That can't be ruled out, TMI, but I can't make a determination with the limited data you've provided. One asshole move—and cheating on Mr. Two Months was definitely an asshole move—does not an asshole make. We know this because while everyone is guilty of the occasional asshole move, not everyone is an asshole. Assholes are made when asshole moves come one right after the other, and an ever-thickening layer of asshole moves hardens into total assholery.
Anyway, while you might not have had a conversation with the guy you're currently dating/cheating on about exclusivity, you wouldn't feel guilty about what/who you did if you didn't think Mr. Two Months was operating under the assumption that you two were exclusive. So the cheating was an asshole move and your rationalization, as you seem to be aware, is a pile of self-serving bullshit that's equal parts transparent and unnecessary. Because as much as you like hanging out with Mr. Two Months, the sex hasn't been good for you and you haven't been good to him. Don't negotiate a nonmonogamous agreement. End it.