Okay! That was grim! Kinder, gentler bonus question after the jump...

I've met a very nice intelligent man almost a year ago. He's very sensitive to my needs and loyally been next to me during my darkest hours. During all this time we never had any arguments or disagreements. He's been telling me that naturally it's so easy for him to be with me, and I would say the same. However, during our first trip with merged family, his two daughters and my son, I noticed something that totally put me off.

The whole trip he was making sure we split all restaurant bills, hotel expenses evenly. Even though, I used my national park entrance card to have a free pass for everyone, we drove in my car and I was filling up gas all the time. He offered to fill up gas, but I just couldn't be so petty and share that "expense." He would fill up empty bottles at the restaurant, and I would just go to the store to buy snacks, drinks and fresh water for everyone, while he's waiting in the car. He's attitude was that it's not a necessary waste of money, since we've got water already. Even his children are calling him "cheap."

I understand his economical lifestyle and that he's allowing me to live and act whatever way I want... however, I feel subjected to a very unpleasant dynamics when it's concerning such a petty money matters. He's sound financially and I think it's more of his character trait. I believe people don't change, and that was and still is the dynamics between him and his ex in regards to their children, him providing financially only bare minimum. I've supported myself all my life, and I'm happy with my lifestyle. However, the big question is should I stay in this kind of relationship and is there any other perspective to it that I don't see?

Sometimes Paying Less Is Tasteful

Is this nice man's compulsive need to split everything right down the middle tacky? Yes. Is it tedious? It sure as shit is. Is it a red flag? Not necessarily. He's financially sound, he's agreeable and loyal, and so far he's "allowing" you to live and act in whatever way you want. (I'm a bit worried about your choice of phrasing with that sentence, SPLIT.) If you like him and he's not controlling and otherwise a pleasure to be around... perhaps you could learn to tolerate and work around his annoying obsession with splitting everything evenly?

I don't know how old you two are, SPLIT, but you're both old enough to have kids of your own and, consequently, established patterns and routines. Merging with a new person, let alone blending two families together, is always difficult and usually requires some adjustments and accommodations—in ways big and ways small and ways annoying and ways tedious and ways petty. And if this guy is as good a guy as you describe, you might want to find a way to accommodate his incredibly annoying and petty and tedious cheapness.

Instead of dickering over every bill as they come, for example, get a credit card for all shared expenses—meals out, entertainment, gas and treats on road trips—then split your one bill evenly when it comes in. Splitting a big bill once a month will be a whole lot less irritating than splitting dozens of smaller bills as they come in all month long. And if you find even splitting one monthly bill annoying, SPLIT, or if he nickels and dimes you about even that (contesting charges because you had wine at dinner and he didn't, because his daughters didn't eat the M&Ms on that road trip, only your son did, etc.), you can take comfort in this thought: you're likely to outlive him—according to actuarial tables—so you'll be free to run through all his money after he's dead.