GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! So get up and let this funky mellow groove get you in the mood. 'Cause you know it's alright. LET'S GO TO PRESS.
Thanks to the wildfires burning throughout the state, air quality warnings have been issued in the metro area.
A Eugene neo-Nazi who put anti-Semitic banners on an overpass before the eclipse will not be penalized because no one filed an official complaint.
Hey kids! Get your ass up out of bed, and GO TO SCHOOL. And yes, there's still lead in the drinking fountains, and no, you still can't drink out of them. However, you do get lots of homework, so cheer up.
After a brief peek at the sun, Texas gets hammered again by the relentless Harvey—and now it's moving into Louisiana. As for the death count, nobody really knows for sure as rescue efforts are taking much longer than ever before. One thing's certain, this catastrophe isn't ending anytime soon. Here's just one particular horrifying story.
In an effort to avoid the mistakes made by George W. Bush following Hurricane Katrina, Trump is visiting Texas and making an attempt to appear empathetic (good luck with that). Of course, he can't help but say Trumpian things, because... it's always all about him.
Also, Houston's mega-church pastor Joel Osteen IS A FUCKING DESPICABLE DICK.
Speaking of despicable religious hypocrites, evangelicals are focusing on banning gay marriage instead of helping the victims of catastrophe. By the way, if you're a Christian and you aren't speaking out vocally against these people, you should be deeply ashamed of yourself.
In the Russia investigation, a spokesperson for Vladimir Putin confirms that the Kremlin received a request to push through a deal for a Trump Tower in Moscow during the 2016 election, but didn't do anything about it.
The UN Security Council calls North Korea's firing of missiles over Japan "outrageous," but doesn't seem willing to go any further.
Remember when comedian Kathy Griffin apologized for her pics of holding a fake Trump severed head? She's no longer sorry.
Now let's look at this LOCAL WEATHER: A nice, partially sunny day with a very reasonable high of 78. But unnnnnngghh the hot returns this weekend.
And finally, this is how I'm going to approach this Wednesday... by hitting 200 mph in seconds in a Hyperloop Pod RAHHHHHHHHH MY FAAAACE IS MELLLLLTING!!!