I’ve been reading your column long enough that when I have a question of the sort you might answer, I can figure it out myself by imagining what you would say. But I finally have a problem that requires an outside perspective.

If my cousin and I want to pick someone up in a bar and have a threesome (during which there would be cousin-on-cousin action), are we obligated to tell our third we’re cousins? In case they think that’s gross? If we don’t tell them, are we then obligated to NOT tell them afterwards? Like, what if they want to be friends, and notice we have the same last name?

Obviously, I don’t think it’s gross, so it’s hard for me to judge how big a deal this might be.

Cousins Offering Unique Stranger Interesting Nudity

Cousins—first cousins—can marry in 26 states, their marriages are recognized in all 50 states, and first-cousin marriage is legal Canada, Mexico, all of Europe, etc. So why the fuck should first-cousin threesomes be some huge fucking deal?

But somehow they are. The thought of cousins doing it usually squicks people out (which is why there are websites out there pleading the case for cousin couples); hell, it usually comes as a shock to people when they learn first cousins can legally marry. Despite all those legally-married cousins rutting around out there, COUSIN, we still live in world where cousin-fucking world is taboo. So I would advise you to err on the side of disclosing—some people might take a pass, some people might not give a shit, some people might be so into it they make you uncomfortable. All those people have the right to make an informed choice—and it would suck to wind up in bed with someone who freaked out at you about it later.

So disclose.

But that's just what I think—what do the people who work in my office think? In an informal poll conducted by the Tech-Savvy At-Risk Youth, a majority of my officemates came down on the "disclose your cousinhood" side. Being the contrary fuck that I am, the data prompted me to reverse my earlier position. Because if cousinfucking isn't that big of a deal—people marry their cousins every damn day—then why would someone need to disclose to a casual sex partner that guys spit-roasting them are cousins? It's not like any physical harm will come to your participating third. And if people were required to disclose every one of their potential squicks to a stranger before fucking them, no fucking would ever happen—cousinfucking or non-cousinfucking.

So don't disclose.

A caveat: Are you looking for someone who's turned on by this sort of thing, COUSIN? If so, then a bar isn't the most efficient place to find a person who is into cousinfucking and who is also the right person for your threesome. Try the Internet first. Craigslist, dating apps, and other corners of the world wild web will probably nab you the right stranger. (Feeld helps you find poly couples and people down for group sex while also keeping your identity anonymous.) Incest, as Seth Stephens-Davidowitz writes in Everybody Lies: Big Data, New Data, and What the Internet Tells Us About Who We Really Are, is a much more popular porn genre than anyone cares to admit and/or contemplate.