GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! How you doin' miss? My name is L, I'm from Queens. I heard about your man, he like to lace you with cream. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

So Attorney General Jeff Sessions visited Portland yesterday to beg us to stop doing our "sanctuary city" thing. We told him to "fuck off" and take his Foghorn Leghorn hillbilly ass back to Washington. So yeah... kind of a wasted trip.

The rain has helped firefighters make a lot of progress in stamping out the Eagle Creek blaze, but they warn us that fire season isn't over yet.

ICE agents attempted to snatch up an undocumented immigrant who turned out to be a fully documented Washington County employee.

Portland Public Schools has hired investigators to look into how they screwed up the Mitch Whitehurst/alleged sexual misconduct case.

A massive earthquake struck Mexico yesterday, killing over 200 and trapping more underneath rubble.

Once again, President Trump's oratory style leaves a lot to be desired. He spoke in front of the UN General Assembly yesterday, vowed to "totally destroy North Korea" if they continued to threaten us, and generally came off like a furious, spoiled fourth grader.

And yeah, other than with hawkish Republicans, the speech didn't go over very well with other countries, especially China.

Republicans are once again trying to scuttle Obamacare, with a new bill sponsored by Lindsay Graham and Bill Cassidy that is as horrible as all the others that have been rejected thus far. A group of GOP governors are fighting the plan, but once again it will be a tight vote.

Jimmy Kimmel had a few strong choice words for Sen. Cassidy (who's sponsoring the latest Obamacare replacement), saying "he lied right to my face."

The category four Hurricane Maria has hit Puerto Rico, and is being called the worst storm in 80 years.

Late night talk show host James Corden is apologizing for smooching American traitor Sean Spicer following the Emmys on Sunday night.

Okay, let's check out this WEATHER SCENARIO: Cool and showery again today with a high of 60.

And finally, this happy Corgi might be the world's greatest soccer star... that is, if his dick of an owner would ever let him out of that backpack.