CSA-Plastock / Getty Images
I have great news: Last week the DEA announced that they've approved THC!

No, not that kind, which you find in real, live cannabis plants. Don't be an idiot; nature sucks. I'm talking the good stuff, man—synthetic THC.

The substance was approved by the FDA this past summer. It comes in a spray under the name Dronabinol, formerly known as Syndros, and now has Schedule II classification, meaning that it has medical potential, and can now become a prescription drug under federal regulations.

It will be used primarily for patients suffering nausea due to chemotherapy, and—this is fun—the manufacturer that makes it is the only company allowed to use it in products. The DEA made that clear in a statement that read, in part:

"... any form of dronabinol other than in an FDA-approved drug product remains a Schedule I controlled substance, and those who handle such material remain subject to the regulatory controls, and administrative, civil, and criminal sanctions, applicable to schedule I controlled substances set forth in the CSA and DEA regulations.”

The good news is that it's going to be free to those who need i—oh, wait, sorry. That's wrong. It's actually going to cost between $1,000 and $2,000 per month. That's about what people who use cannabis during chemo spend, right? Close?

I know what you're thinking. Is the DEA being sort of, you know, hypocritical AF? Not according to them, as they responded to this concern with:

"FDA-approved products of oral solutions containing dronabinol have an approved medical use whereas marijuana does not have an approved medical use and therefore remains in schedule I.”

Well, rest assured that the company that makes this garbage—er, new breakthrough drug of fake THC is Insys Therapeutics, who have a stellar track record of concern over patient well-being and highest possible standards of—wait. My bad, no. That's someone else I'm thinking about. This isn't going well.

Turns out the founder of Insys stepped down in October after being charged with bribing doctors to prescribe a Fentanyl-based drug called Subsys. It was designed to treat cancer patients, but was prescribed broadly to patients who did not have cancer. This led the Arizona attorney general to file a consumer fraud complaint that read, in part,

"Insys engaged in a nationwide scheme in which it deceived insurers, patients, and doctors... lied to insurers, concealed key facts from doctors and patients, and paid doctors sham 'speaker fees' in exchange for writing prescriptions, all to increase the sales of Subsys, without regard for the health and safety of patients.”

Is it too late to burn everything with fire? Asking for a friend.

(S/O to Herb.co)