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I am 48 years old and straight and I met this amazing woman leaving a pub after our respective work end-of-year parties. We had this great conversation. Flirted, even hugged, cuddled and took selfies, all in the street outside the pub. I felt so happy being near her, and I think at least, her smiles indicated she felt the same way too. But I was a bit drunk, very tired and failed to even offer my number or ask for hers. And it's been driving me crazy. I am so angry with myself. I fear it was one of those moments that make or break you. But she did tell me her name and she did tell me she worked for an online sex product store. So I Googled her and now know what company she works for and all the contact info for the company is right there on the site.

Here is the question: can I email the store where she works and say, "Hi, does Haley work there? I met her the other night and was wondering that if she wanted my number can you send her this email?" Is that an email I can send? Or would this be embarrassing for her or — worse yet — stalker-type behavior? Do I give it a go or take the life lesson? Is this romantic? Or is this stalking?

Potential Stalker

She could be at work right now furiously kicking herself for not thinking to give you her number, PS, or she could be at work right now desperately worried one of her coworkers is gonna tell her boyfriend/girlfriend/nonbinaryfriend what they saw her doing outside that pub with a stranger. I mean, there's a reason you didn't give her your number — you were too drunk to think of it — and there's a reason she didn't give you hers. It could be the same reason (she was also too drunk to think of it), PS, or she may not have wanted you to have her number. This could've been a mad, crazy, booze-fueled instacuddle session with an attractive stranger that she never wants to see again.

But sending someone one email — directly, if you have her direct email — or reaching out to someone via social media doesn't by itself add up to stalking, PS, even if the other person isn't interested in hearing from you. Take it away, Wikipedia...

Stalking can be defined as the willful and repeated following, watching and/or harassing of another person. Unlike other crimes, which usually involve one act, stalking is a series of actions that occur over a period of time.

So reaching out to Haley once wouldn't constitute stalking, PS, even if she never wanted to hear from you again. Reaching out to her again and again, despite having been told to fuck off or in the absence of a response, would rise to the level of stalking. That said, PS, I don't think you should send that email to her employer, as the possibility she might be embarrassed is high enough to make sending that email a flagrant display of bad judgment and bad judgment is a deeply unattractive personal trait. If you have her name, you should be able to find her on a social media platform — Facebook, Twitter, Instagram — and, if her DMs are open, you can reach out to her directly without involving her boss, coworkers, underlings, overlings, interns, etc. And if you can't find her on social media, PS, then maybe she doesn't want to be found.


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