Roy Moore: Racist, homophobic, accused pedophile... and now? LOOOOOSER!
Roy Moore: Racist, homophobic, accused pedophile... and now? LOOOOOSER! Scott Olson / Getty

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Put your worries aside (worries aside), and open up your mind (open up your mind). See the world right by your side. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

First things first, a hearty and full-throated THANK YOU to the Black voters of Alabama and to the women who bravely stepped forward with their stories of sexual abuse, because without them we would have accused pedophile Roy Moore serving the in the United States senate. As you expected, the race was incredibly tight and Democrat Doug Jones won by a very slim margin—and also as you probably expected, Roy Moore is so far refusing to concede, because he is an idiot, and a textbook example of white male privilege in action. Now the Republican Senate is in the majority by only one single seat, and the GOP finger pointing at who's to blame has already begun in earnest.

Needless to say, Trump's number one source for information, Fox and Friends, had a tough time consoling the president this morning HA HA HA.

In less cheery news, the GOP controlled House and Senate are nearing a compromise on their despicable, faulty tax bill and may vote on it as soon as next week.

Republicans are pretending to be FURIOUS about FBI agents on Mueller's Russia investigation team who privately expressed sentiments that most Republicans agree with: DONALD TRUMP IS A MORON.

Sen. Kristin Gillibrand claps back against President Trump's sexist, insulting tweet about her yesterday, as his past sexual misconduct comes back to bite him in the ass.

On that note, check out this headline: "Half of voters say sexual misconduct accusations against Trump are credible."


Last night, the dum-dums of Vancouver's Patriot Prayer movement showed up at Hillary Clinton's appearance at the Schnitz. Why? Because they incorrectly think they matter. Our Doug Brown was at the scene, and was forced to listen to the bigots' terrible rap song about Trump. SORRY DOUG.

Mayor Ted Wheeler's office flipped out over an allegation from the Guardian that the mayor had colluded with Columbia Sportswear CEO Tim Boyle, to dream up a scheme where Columbia would move out of Portland if the Mayor didn't take drastic measures about the homeless problem. They demanded a retraction, and got a confusing, watered down modification instead. (This correction does not erase the fact that Boyle is another spoiled, entitled, rich white guy who thinks Portland owes him a living.)

Poor, put upon Bullseye Glass is suing the state, claiming they've been unfairly maligned for spewing their toxic chemicals over part of SE Portland.

The Timbers are reportedly hiring New York Cosmos head coach Giovanni Savarese to replace the outgoing Caleb Porter.

Now let's look at the WEATHER: Another gusty, cold, sunny day with a high of 46.

And finally, do not miss the open-mouthed stunned reaction on this Roy Moore spokesperson when CNN's Jake Tapper informs him that you don't need to take the oath of office on a bible. PRICE-LESS.