My button is bigger! And by button, I mean penis.
"My button is bigger! And by 'button,' I mean 'penis'." Getty Images

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Feels so good being bad, there's no way I'm turning back. Now the pain is for pleasure, 'cause nothing can measure. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Multnomah County Chair Deborah Kafoury has apologized to fellow Commish Loretta Smith (as well as all county employees) for calling her a "bitch" in a heated exchange.

Longtime Portland restaurant, the Original Taco House, has closed both of its locations after 50 years in business. Another restaurant fatality of the new year: Chinatown's House of Louie.

Watch out, angry drivers! The Broadway Bridge will be making multiple lifts today in order to make repairs.

This just in, President Trump is far more stupid that we previously suspected. Yesterday he got in a Twitter battle once again with North Korea's Kim Jong-un, bragging that Trump's nuclear "button" is bigger than Jong-un's. (Also just in: Trump's dick is the size of a button.)

After years of tension, North Korea has opened back up a hotline of communication with their neighbors to the south. (Probably to laugh about how Trump's dick is the size of a button.)

According to a new book featuring hundreds of interviews from those inside the White House, Steve Bannon called Don Trump Jr.'s meeting with the Russians in Trump Tower "unpatriotic" and "treasonous."

Utah senator Orrin Hatch has announced his retirement, making way for Mitt Romney to run for his seat.

Some of the NSA's most talented technicians and hackers are jumping ship following an unpopular reorganization and shoddy leadership.

A "bomb cyclone" super storm is expected to hit the Northeast today, to be followed by even more frigid temps.

Music streaming service Spotify is getting sued for $1.6 billion (ouch) for accused copyright infringement.

Now let's look in on our WEATHER: A dry, windy day with a high of 44.

And finally, NO WAY I'm gonna watch the new Black Mirror on Netflix. Too scary.