I, Anonymous is the column where YOU write your most secret confessions and insane rants—anonymously! Sure, it's a great way to get stuff off your chest, but it's also a way for you to become FAMOUS—anonymously. The best rants or confessions are chosen to be featured in the print edition of the Mercury (read weekly by hundreds of thousands), and if it's especially interesting/crazy/well-written it's picked for inclusion in the I, Anonymous podcast (a monthly comedy show hosted by Portland's funniest person, Caitlin Weierhauser) that has a potential listenership of MILLIONS! So submit your great anonymous story here!

Want to know what kind of I, Anonymous submissions are chosen for print and our podcast? Here's a great classic I, Anonymous from June, 2015.

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Kalah Allen
Here's a Tip

When I use the bathroom at your house, I end up snooping under the sink, in medicine cabinets, and opening up containers until I find what I am looking for. I'm not looking for medications, or to see if you have any creams for weird infections. I don't want to take anything. I just want to feel the light scrape of a cotton-covered stick against my inner ear. I love Q-tips. My use of them is compulsive and I've damaged my ears at least twice. After I use them I try to bury them in the garbage so no one will know that I have performed a search for them without permission. If there is no garbage can in your bathroom, I will put them in a pocket until I leave your house. I don't mind generic ones, but it's even better when the name brand is found. Like a recovered alcoholic, I sometimes have to keep them out of my house, but at your place I go into relapse mode. I mean no harm when I snoop. I just want 30 seconds of bliss.—Anonymous

Got a good secret/rant? Submit yours here!