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Please stop celebrating my misfortune!
"Please stop celebrating my misfortune!" Getty Images

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Thief in the night, you took my heart. Now danger's in sight, 'cause I can't help the way that I feel. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Portland city council took public input yesterday on the very contentious renter relocation law. Our Dirk VanderHart was there, and as promised, it was contentious!

Portland's plan to stop gentrification and bring people of color back to neighborhoods hasn't been working out so well. The very busy Dirk VanderHart digs into why.

Fred Meyer is joining Dick's Sporting Goods and Walmart in refusing to sell guns to people under 21. (Also: Some Fred Meyer stores actually sell guns!)

The city is thinking about changing thousands of addresses—primarily those west of the Willamette River, close to SW Naito—to "South Portland." Maaaaan, those southies better not come onto our turf!

The poorly named Black Pussy (shout out to oblivious white guys!) have had a number of their gigs canceled because of their moniker, but as of now they are still playing Portland's Paris Theatre.

In a meeting with lawmakers yesterday, Trump seemed to heartily back the gun control measures Democrats are asking for—but remember when he said something verrrry similar about DACA? HE'S LYING AGAIN, FOLKS.

At least two corporations visited the White House for meetings, and ended up giving Jared "JARED!" Kushner big loans to save his flailing businesses. Oh, hello corruption.

Vladimir Putin is claiming that he has nuclear missiles that can avoid the world's most cunning defense systems. Missiles on steroids? Coming from Russia, that's not much of a shock. SWEET MORNING BURN!

Robert Mueller is reportedly looking into Trump's obstructionist attempts to fire Jeff Sessions last summer—which is unfortunate timing for the president who was slagging Sessions again just yesterday.

SIDE NOTE: Behind the scenes, Trump reportedly calls Jeff Sessions, "Mr. Magoo." Okay, I hate Trump, but that's pretty funny.

Yesterday, after White House Communications Director/former model Hope Hicks told the intelligence committee that she would tell "white lies" for Trump, she abruptly resigned her position with the Trump administration. Probably no connection, right?


Ever wonder how Melania Trump got into the country? She was given an "Einstein Visa"—and ummmm... she's not exactly Einstein, is she?

As we get increasingly excited about Mueller's more pointed investigations into Trump and his probable collusion with the Russians, let's not forget that Mike Pence is waiting in the wings—and still talking about "banning legal abortion in our lifetimes."

In entertainment, the beloved Kristin Wiig is in talks to play the villain in the next Wonder Woman movie! YAAAAAS!

Now what about this WEATHER: Scattered showers today with a high of 48!

And finally, check out the Rockets' James Harden disrespect the Clippers' Wesley Johnson in the most insensitive of ways. YOU CAN'T UNHURT A FEELING, JAMES!